I have to say the past week has been one of my better weeks. Have been quite cheerie for the most part, and asides from a minor case of pigging out Saturday (due to not eating a thing until late afternoon / early evening), my diet has been not too bad. A moderate amount of 'naughty but nice' mixed in with a whole lot of 'nice but good'!
Also pleased to report that for the third week in a row have managed to keep up with exercising regularly, either by doing 1 / 2 30 minute sessions on the treadmill mixed in with a couple of nice long dog walks. Technically I should be on target for a bronze body magic award, but seeing as I keep forgetting to ask about who do I log the exercise with when I actually get to group I'm not sure I'll be allowed to back date (so to speak). Ah well, must remember to raise this question next week.
So results then, well coming away from last week, I really wanted to get slimmer of the week, but alas, stepping on the scales I had 'only' lost 2lbs. Don't get me wrong 2lbs is really good, and maybe last year in my old group that would have been more than enough to sail me through. Thing is we have a really good group at Tadley, a lot of women who really do want to lose weight, and it shows, the results from each person is truely amazing. This week lots of people had 2lb losses, a couple 3lbs, we even had 2 5lb losses!! One lady had been there about 16 weeks and STILL managed to lose 5lbs! Totally awe inspiring. Just goes to show that dedication and focus really can pay off - this particalar lady has been slimmer of the week about 6 times since she started and slimmer of the month twice. Wow!! This group certainly isn't short of role models that's for sure!!
So getting back to my own success! 2lbs this week I am really happy with, particularly as it was pointed out that in just 3 weeks I have lost 9lbs!! crikey!! I thought I was feeling a little 'lighter'! I don't mind it being slow and steady, I'm finding that the pleasure in actually eating is slowly coming back and I'm losing weight to boot! whoop whoop!
Not only that, but this morning I decided to be a little brave and try on an old pair of jeans. When I lost the weight last year, these jeans were getting stupidly baggy on my. I then ate for the United Kingdom, gained all that weight back on, and low and behold those jeans went from being really baggy, to not even being able to get them over my rear end!
So this morning then! I tried these jeans on and am really pleased (or relieved!) to report that not only can I get them on I can do them up too! Ok so they are a tad on the tight side, so will need to wait until I have lost a couple more lbs before I wear them properly, but it's a really good start! I am so pleased at the progress I am making! more whoop whoop!!
As you can tell, everything so far is going swimmingly and I really do feel on cloud nine at the moment!
xx
Tuesday 7 December 2010
Tuesday 30 November 2010
Slimming World Catch Up
1st week on the Slimming World 'plan' went relatively well! Got on the scales Monday night and low and behold I'd lost 4 1/2 lbs! That my friends is what I would call a result!!
However. Yes unfortunately there is a however. My joy at such an accomplishment wasn't evidently shared by others. In group I received a round of applause and thankfully managed to escape too much of an autopsy on the week - I find my confidence in these situations lacking and I go into 'shy mode'. Hey ho. I came out of group simply buzzing and to be perfectly honest, expecting some form of enthusiasm / encouragement from the collective. I got the usual response from significant other - i.e. not too sure how he should respond but making very best efforts (well done by the way). Other responses did unfortunately include just 'oh'.
It was this latter that got under my skin for most of the past week. In fact, it was this latter that smashed my self importance into a million pieces. As a result I spent the rest of the week 'moping' and doubting myself and my ability to achieve this weight loss. I mean hello where is my so called support people!!?
As far as the 'diet' was concerned, last week was a little up and and down to say the least. I have days of eating fruit and salads and drinking lots of water. Then there would be the days where I'd over dose on Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, Magnums, Ryvita Minis and Lemon Sorbet! Not in the same session I very hastily add!!
I went to yesterday's meeting really unsure of what results I'd have achieved. Honestly with what I had been eating, I could have lost weight, but then again, I could have very easily maintained or gained! I really had no clue!
Stepping on those scales turned out not to be so bad after all 2 1/2 lbs lost which makes half a stone lost in 2 weeks - very happy chappy! In addition to this, group went really well - had lots of fun. It was great catching up with the neighbours, asking about others progress etc.
During group our consultant, Elaine, gave us each a party bag. In it she had given us:
A balloon - to remind us of Slimming World
An elastic band - to remind us to be flexible with our diet and ourselves
A single Malteser - to allow us to have something sweet for emergencies (I gave mine to R as I'm not really into sweet things!)
A small golden miniature clothes peg - to remind us to 'hang on in there'
and finally, which has actually turned out to be my most favourite item in the bag
A Stone - to remind us that Elaine / Slimming World are always there for support when we need it. In fact Elaine said that anytime we needed support just rub the stone and think of her!
What I have learned over the past two weeks is above all else, I personally just need support and positive encouragement without strings. What do I mean by that? well I'll give you an example. I can't remember which one of the collective said this to me, but when I told of my results for this week, the response I got was:
'Oh that's good! Just think what you would have lost if you hadn't of eaten the other stuff'.
It's like giving a compliment in one hand, but then snatching it straight back again with the other. It's like teasing the dog with his favourite toy, letting him to snap at it, but never actually giving it to him 100% to play with.
What would have been better was if the person in question just simply said 'oh well done!'. That's it. End of story. Say no more!!
Hey ho, on with the next week. I'm looking forward already to next weeks weigh in. I'm fired up now. We've already had the Slimmer of the Week and Slimmer of the Month awards.
Next week my goal is to be Slimmer of the Week. And oh yes, I will also be getting that Slimmer of the Month award by the end of December too - just you watch, and wait and see!
xxx
However. Yes unfortunately there is a however. My joy at such an accomplishment wasn't evidently shared by others. In group I received a round of applause and thankfully managed to escape too much of an autopsy on the week - I find my confidence in these situations lacking and I go into 'shy mode'. Hey ho. I came out of group simply buzzing and to be perfectly honest, expecting some form of enthusiasm / encouragement from the collective. I got the usual response from significant other - i.e. not too sure how he should respond but making very best efforts (well done by the way). Other responses did unfortunately include just 'oh'.
It was this latter that got under my skin for most of the past week. In fact, it was this latter that smashed my self importance into a million pieces. As a result I spent the rest of the week 'moping' and doubting myself and my ability to achieve this weight loss. I mean hello where is my so called support people!!?
As far as the 'diet' was concerned, last week was a little up and and down to say the least. I have days of eating fruit and salads and drinking lots of water. Then there would be the days where I'd over dose on Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, Magnums, Ryvita Minis and Lemon Sorbet! Not in the same session I very hastily add!!
I went to yesterday's meeting really unsure of what results I'd have achieved. Honestly with what I had been eating, I could have lost weight, but then again, I could have very easily maintained or gained! I really had no clue!
Stepping on those scales turned out not to be so bad after all 2 1/2 lbs lost which makes half a stone lost in 2 weeks - very happy chappy! In addition to this, group went really well - had lots of fun. It was great catching up with the neighbours, asking about others progress etc.
During group our consultant, Elaine, gave us each a party bag. In it she had given us:
A balloon - to remind us of Slimming World
An elastic band - to remind us to be flexible with our diet and ourselves
A single Malteser - to allow us to have something sweet for emergencies (I gave mine to R as I'm not really into sweet things!)
A small golden miniature clothes peg - to remind us to 'hang on in there'
and finally, which has actually turned out to be my most favourite item in the bag
A Stone - to remind us that Elaine / Slimming World are always there for support when we need it. In fact Elaine said that anytime we needed support just rub the stone and think of her!
What I have learned over the past two weeks is above all else, I personally just need support and positive encouragement without strings. What do I mean by that? well I'll give you an example. I can't remember which one of the collective said this to me, but when I told of my results for this week, the response I got was:
'Oh that's good! Just think what you would have lost if you hadn't of eaten the other stuff'.
It's like giving a compliment in one hand, but then snatching it straight back again with the other. It's like teasing the dog with his favourite toy, letting him to snap at it, but never actually giving it to him 100% to play with.
What would have been better was if the person in question just simply said 'oh well done!'. That's it. End of story. Say no more!!
Hey ho, on with the next week. I'm looking forward already to next weeks weigh in. I'm fired up now. We've already had the Slimmer of the Week and Slimmer of the Month awards.
Next week my goal is to be Slimmer of the Week. And oh yes, I will also be getting that Slimmer of the Month award by the end of December too - just you watch, and wait and see!
xxx
Tuesday 16 November 2010
Slimming World
Do you ever have one of those moments where everything just seems so simple, and so crystal clear?
I must to confess to such a moment whilst on my recent holiday. One day I woke up, and came to the conclusion that as soon as I returned, I would join slimming world, start exercising again, stick with it, and once and for all get rid of all this excess baggage I've been carrying around with me.
One thing to make the decision, a totally different one to act upon it. I'm at sea in the middle of the med, so what possibly can I do to take those 'first steps'.
Firstly I worked out on pen and paper what it is I actually wanted to achieve - trying to take on a one step at a time strategy. I worked out my targets (weight & dates when to achieve them) by using the 2lbs off per week idea. Yes this takes a long time to get me to my ultimate goal, but hey lets face it, the 'I want to lose 1lb per day every day for the next four months didn't come to anything so it really is time for a different tact).
I also wrote down an 8 week exercise plan for myself - again starting small and manageable, for week one I'll only be walking 15 minutes on the treadmill, but ensuring I do it every single day. The idea at this stage is to create that habit of getting up in the morning, and cracking on with exercise - which I do enjoy doing when I get into the habit! But it's making it into an 'automatic' habit - that's what I am trying to achieve, and then building upon that.
Ok so exercise sorted! Now the diet!!
Well thankfully we are living in the age of super duper technology - so second port of call (so to speak) was the on board Internet cafe to look up what my options were with regards to days, times and location of nearest meeting.
The Slimming World Website made this stupidly easy for me to do - type in post code: check. Oh, and up pops half a dozen possibles. Hey presto I find the one ideal for me, on the day I want and at a time that suited most (must be fate or something!).
I returned from holiday yesterday - and to be frank, was most keen to get going! I rang the consultant up to ensure that the meeting still actually took place, and confirmed times and payment etc.
That very same evening, off I popped to meeting. I was buzzing. The atmosphere was buzzing. So far, all seems so good. I got weighed at the end (turns out I lost 2 / 3lbs whilst on holiday! but that's unofficial) and now I am literally up, ready and raring to go!
This morning I have achieved my first set of toning exercises along with 15 minutes walking on the treadmill - and am feeling fab on that account.
I was worrying slightly about food, as in, what should I have as my 'first meal'. However good old ma purchased a lovely bowl of fruit whilst we were away so its fruit for breakfast me thinks, followed by cheese and ham pasta for lunch (an old SW fave of mine, got me through many a lunch time that did last year!) and then just need to figure out what I'll do for tea.
Really excited, need to keep this momentum up now. Fingers crossed for a good week, and hoping for a good weigh in next Monday. In my mind if I lose 5lbs I'll be happy, if I lose 7lbs I'll be walking on sunshine :D
I must to confess to such a moment whilst on my recent holiday. One day I woke up, and came to the conclusion that as soon as I returned, I would join slimming world, start exercising again, stick with it, and once and for all get rid of all this excess baggage I've been carrying around with me.
One thing to make the decision, a totally different one to act upon it. I'm at sea in the middle of the med, so what possibly can I do to take those 'first steps'.
Firstly I worked out on pen and paper what it is I actually wanted to achieve - trying to take on a one step at a time strategy. I worked out my targets (weight & dates when to achieve them) by using the 2lbs off per week idea. Yes this takes a long time to get me to my ultimate goal, but hey lets face it, the 'I want to lose 1lb per day every day for the next four months didn't come to anything so it really is time for a different tact).
I also wrote down an 8 week exercise plan for myself - again starting small and manageable, for week one I'll only be walking 15 minutes on the treadmill, but ensuring I do it every single day. The idea at this stage is to create that habit of getting up in the morning, and cracking on with exercise - which I do enjoy doing when I get into the habit! But it's making it into an 'automatic' habit - that's what I am trying to achieve, and then building upon that.
Ok so exercise sorted! Now the diet!!
Well thankfully we are living in the age of super duper technology - so second port of call (so to speak) was the on board Internet cafe to look up what my options were with regards to days, times and location of nearest meeting.
The Slimming World Website made this stupidly easy for me to do - type in post code: check. Oh, and up pops half a dozen possibles. Hey presto I find the one ideal for me, on the day I want and at a time that suited most (must be fate or something!).
I returned from holiday yesterday - and to be frank, was most keen to get going! I rang the consultant up to ensure that the meeting still actually took place, and confirmed times and payment etc.
That very same evening, off I popped to meeting. I was buzzing. The atmosphere was buzzing. So far, all seems so good. I got weighed at the end (turns out I lost 2 / 3lbs whilst on holiday! but that's unofficial) and now I am literally up, ready and raring to go!
This morning I have achieved my first set of toning exercises along with 15 minutes walking on the treadmill - and am feeling fab on that account.
I was worrying slightly about food, as in, what should I have as my 'first meal'. However good old ma purchased a lovely bowl of fruit whilst we were away so its fruit for breakfast me thinks, followed by cheese and ham pasta for lunch (an old SW fave of mine, got me through many a lunch time that did last year!) and then just need to figure out what I'll do for tea.
Really excited, need to keep this momentum up now. Fingers crossed for a good week, and hoping for a good weigh in next Monday. In my mind if I lose 5lbs I'll be happy, if I lose 7lbs I'll be walking on sunshine :D
Monday 20 September 2010
30 Day Lifestyle Challenge - Day One
Morning peeps! Well it's Monday, and we have yet another gorgeous morning this morning!!
After having a couple of weeks 'off' from all things routine, I've been simply itching to set myself a 30 day challenge! In keeping with my down with diets attitude, this challenge isn't about 'keeping to a restricted diet and exercise routine', yes exercise is involved, and yes I have written out my 'menu' for the week, but NO I'm not on a diet - still with me here??!
I'll let you in on a little secret, I have a passion for rural Victorian life, more specifically from the middle class farmers wife / female perspective. I don't know where it has come from, but I am simply fascinated by it, and have been inspired myself to adopt a more back to basics lifestyle.
I am at present researching for a book I am intending to write: 'Modern Day Victorian Living' (or something like that!). Using the rural Victorian as a template, I shall not only attempt to bring back past values / crafts / routines etc but more importantly make those values & routines etc relevant for today. Big example of this would be washing day - back then it took them four days to wash / dry & iron clothes by hand. Today we put it in the washing machine which is much easier! (so naturally I wont be dismissing modern technology just for the sake of it, just using it when and where it has it's place).
After a small amount of research, I have an idea on the farmers wife very basic weekly Mon - Sat routine, with Sunday of course being God's day and naturally a day of rest (sounds good to me!!), which mainly dealt with the household chores, baking days (I really looking forward to those already!!) and market day (for me, that involves sitting at the computer and ordering from Tesco's tee hee). In addition to the standard household chores, I have also given myself set exercises to do every day, and have set out what I'll be eating for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
With the latter, again please don't confuse this as a diet, just because I have set out a meal plan. The plan is based around what I currently have in the cupboards, and enjoy eating! I'm using current stocks up before buying more in - saves on the waste that way!
And yes, as far as the food is concerned, with the exception of Breakfast, I will still be following Paul Mckenna's Principles of only eating when I'm hungry.
Breakfast is the exception because I have never really eaten breakfast - if I do eat, it's more of a Brunch thing. So this time at the very least I will eat Breakfast every day without waiting to gauge whether I'm hungry or not - and yes, I will stop once I am full.
So yesterday, I sat down and wrote out my jobs to complete list for each day, every day encompassing toning and treadmill exercise, 3 meals, and my chores list for today. Sounds tiresome? Well today is washing day, and what that mean? well, putting all the laundry in the washing machine and switching it on - oh yes I can see how that could be irksome!!?
So, getting to the actual 'challenge'.
This morning, I weighed out 1oz of porridge, made with milk and sugar sprinkled on top, accompanied by a glass of water, which although was very tasty, unbelievably (or not) I've had about 3 teaspoonfuls and am feeling quite stuffed! I'm not even sure I've eaten half of it! Like I said, my body isn't used to eating breakfast, next time I do porridge I'll put a little less in and see what happens.
I've also sorted out the chickens, taken meat out to defrost for tonight's dinner, completed my toning exercises and made the fella his morning cup of tea in bed whilst sorting out my own breakfast, and no, I didn't get up at 6am either!
As is normally the case, day one is so far going swimmingly, but then again let's be realistic - I've only just begun, let's see where I am in 30 days time :D
After having a couple of weeks 'off' from all things routine, I've been simply itching to set myself a 30 day challenge! In keeping with my down with diets attitude, this challenge isn't about 'keeping to a restricted diet and exercise routine', yes exercise is involved, and yes I have written out my 'menu' for the week, but NO I'm not on a diet - still with me here??!
I'll let you in on a little secret, I have a passion for rural Victorian life, more specifically from the middle class farmers wife / female perspective. I don't know where it has come from, but I am simply fascinated by it, and have been inspired myself to adopt a more back to basics lifestyle.
I am at present researching for a book I am intending to write: 'Modern Day Victorian Living' (or something like that!). Using the rural Victorian as a template, I shall not only attempt to bring back past values / crafts / routines etc but more importantly make those values & routines etc relevant for today. Big example of this would be washing day - back then it took them four days to wash / dry & iron clothes by hand. Today we put it in the washing machine which is much easier! (so naturally I wont be dismissing modern technology just for the sake of it, just using it when and where it has it's place).
After a small amount of research, I have an idea on the farmers wife very basic weekly Mon - Sat routine, with Sunday of course being God's day and naturally a day of rest (sounds good to me!!), which mainly dealt with the household chores, baking days (I really looking forward to those already!!) and market day (for me, that involves sitting at the computer and ordering from Tesco's tee hee). In addition to the standard household chores, I have also given myself set exercises to do every day, and have set out what I'll be eating for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
With the latter, again please don't confuse this as a diet, just because I have set out a meal plan. The plan is based around what I currently have in the cupboards, and enjoy eating! I'm using current stocks up before buying more in - saves on the waste that way!
And yes, as far as the food is concerned, with the exception of Breakfast, I will still be following Paul Mckenna's Principles of only eating when I'm hungry.
Breakfast is the exception because I have never really eaten breakfast - if I do eat, it's more of a Brunch thing. So this time at the very least I will eat Breakfast every day without waiting to gauge whether I'm hungry or not - and yes, I will stop once I am full.
So yesterday, I sat down and wrote out my jobs to complete list for each day, every day encompassing toning and treadmill exercise, 3 meals, and my chores list for today. Sounds tiresome? Well today is washing day, and what that mean? well, putting all the laundry in the washing machine and switching it on - oh yes I can see how that could be irksome!!?
So, getting to the actual 'challenge'.
This morning, I weighed out 1oz of porridge, made with milk and sugar sprinkled on top, accompanied by a glass of water, which although was very tasty, unbelievably (or not) I've had about 3 teaspoonfuls and am feeling quite stuffed! I'm not even sure I've eaten half of it! Like I said, my body isn't used to eating breakfast, next time I do porridge I'll put a little less in and see what happens.
I've also sorted out the chickens, taken meat out to defrost for tonight's dinner, completed my toning exercises and made the fella his morning cup of tea in bed whilst sorting out my own breakfast, and no, I didn't get up at 6am either!
As is normally the case, day one is so far going swimmingly, but then again let's be realistic - I've only just begun, let's see where I am in 30 days time :D
Wednesday 15 September 2010
There is no wagon
You hear people falling off of, and then getting back on 'the wagon' a lot in weight loss. When a person has a good day, they see themselves as 'on the wagon' - and this is a good thing. When they have a bad day, they think of themselves as falling 'off' the wagon - a bad thing - and strive to get back 'on' as soon as possible.
But let's just stop and think about this for a moment.
Did you know that originally, the phrase 'to fall off the wagon' actually was in connection to people struggling to combat a drug or alcohol addiction? And that to fall off said wagon meant that they had failed to keep their resolution to remain sober / drug free.
If this is the case, why on earth have we, the over weight, adopted this phrase as our own, and used it to monitor our own supposed failings?!!?
Let's picture a moment your own weight loss journey adopting this approach. Every time you make a slip up, no matter how small, you fall off the wagon, climb back on and roll down the same path.
You eventually reach your goal weight - but you've fallen off the damn wagon so many times you're black and blue! Your bum hurts, you've got broken bones, a bump on your head, and all you can remember about the journey is the pain you have suffered to get here - which makes you what? a martyr? Oh poor you, it's been a real 'struggle' a real 'hardship' but like a real trouper you got there 'in the end'.
Where did your life go whilst you were losing that weight? Oh, no, sorry, forgot, your fat, and you have to punish yourself day in day out until you reach your 'magical goal weight' then all of a sudden life will be brilliant!
Have you ever thought what if there was no wagon to fall off of in the first place? Have you ever thought about what if you took that wagon and set fire to it? Then what? well instead of using the wagon, you'll have to begin your journey by actually walking.
Let's take a moment to imagine the journey to your goal weight, minus the aforementioned wagon - just for a moment.
So here you are walking along, you slip up on a large pebble. Well you haven't fallen over or broken anything, and you can either choose to carry on as you were, or make a slight adjustment to watch out for and avoid those large pebbles! By walking to your destination you can take in and experience so much more of what is going on around. You can take your time, go at your own pace, and focus on enjoying the journey.
As opposed to what? sitting on the back of a cart, and only focusing on not falling off?
By taking the wagon, you are giving somebody else the responsibility of your weight loss. Yes you'll probably get there in the end, but not only do you miss out on life, but you fail to learn along the way - well, apart from the fact that the journey is quite painful so therefore may not actually stick with the wagon for any great deal of time anyway.
Taking responsibility for your own weight loss, and ultimately your own journey to get there is initially more difficult as you really do have to keep your focus on the goal.
You will have to keep your wits about you, and now allow yourself to become distracted by dark looking 'diversions' that will purposefully lead you away from your goal.
By walking your own path, you become an adventurer in your own adventure story! You meet many along the way, some who assist, some who do not. But the further along the path you go, the more you learn, the stronger you become, and you are able to easily recognise friend from foe and deal with each one appropriately.
Ultimately your fate is in your own hands. It's up to you when you want to start living and loving life.
Of course you can wait indefinitely until such a time when you do reach your magic number - that's your choice. Some say life begins at 40, others say life begins when you reach your goal weight.
Personally I say life begins right NOW.
x-x-x
But let's just stop and think about this for a moment.
Did you know that originally, the phrase 'to fall off the wagon' actually was in connection to people struggling to combat a drug or alcohol addiction? And that to fall off said wagon meant that they had failed to keep their resolution to remain sober / drug free.
If this is the case, why on earth have we, the over weight, adopted this phrase as our own, and used it to monitor our own supposed failings?!!?
Let's picture a moment your own weight loss journey adopting this approach. Every time you make a slip up, no matter how small, you fall off the wagon, climb back on and roll down the same path.
You eventually reach your goal weight - but you've fallen off the damn wagon so many times you're black and blue! Your bum hurts, you've got broken bones, a bump on your head, and all you can remember about the journey is the pain you have suffered to get here - which makes you what? a martyr? Oh poor you, it's been a real 'struggle' a real 'hardship' but like a real trouper you got there 'in the end'.
Where did your life go whilst you were losing that weight? Oh, no, sorry, forgot, your fat, and you have to punish yourself day in day out until you reach your 'magical goal weight' then all of a sudden life will be brilliant!
Have you ever thought what if there was no wagon to fall off of in the first place? Have you ever thought about what if you took that wagon and set fire to it? Then what? well instead of using the wagon, you'll have to begin your journey by actually walking.
Let's take a moment to imagine the journey to your goal weight, minus the aforementioned wagon - just for a moment.
So here you are walking along, you slip up on a large pebble. Well you haven't fallen over or broken anything, and you can either choose to carry on as you were, or make a slight adjustment to watch out for and avoid those large pebbles! By walking to your destination you can take in and experience so much more of what is going on around. You can take your time, go at your own pace, and focus on enjoying the journey.
As opposed to what? sitting on the back of a cart, and only focusing on not falling off?
By taking the wagon, you are giving somebody else the responsibility of your weight loss. Yes you'll probably get there in the end, but not only do you miss out on life, but you fail to learn along the way - well, apart from the fact that the journey is quite painful so therefore may not actually stick with the wagon for any great deal of time anyway.
Taking responsibility for your own weight loss, and ultimately your own journey to get there is initially more difficult as you really do have to keep your focus on the goal.
You will have to keep your wits about you, and now allow yourself to become distracted by dark looking 'diversions' that will purposefully lead you away from your goal.
By walking your own path, you become an adventurer in your own adventure story! You meet many along the way, some who assist, some who do not. But the further along the path you go, the more you learn, the stronger you become, and you are able to easily recognise friend from foe and deal with each one appropriately.
Ultimately your fate is in your own hands. It's up to you when you want to start living and loving life.
Of course you can wait indefinitely until such a time when you do reach your magic number - that's your choice. Some say life begins at 40, others say life begins when you reach your goal weight.
Personally I say life begins right NOW.
x-x-x
Thursday 9 September 2010
Have a Little Patience
It's amazing what a short walk at 7:30am can do for clearing out the cobwebs and giving much needed perspective.
As mentioned in my last blog post, yesterday was spent mainly on my own as fella was away working and didn't get in until just gone 1:30am. As with most things in life, there were good bits, and not so good bits, but the day as a whole, yes I'll chalk up to a success.
Sometimes life throws you a bone and in a very random way, tries to teach you valuable 'life lessons' - you just have to be open enough to received I suppose.
This morning, whilst clearing the cobwebs, I realised that I had been given one of these life lessons.
Yesterday was a day off from work, and as there was nothing that needed doing that couldn't wait, the day was mine to do as I pleased with.
It all started in the morning. It was noted that our grey chicken has 'disappeared', and as the run was secure, meant one of two things - she was sick of the rain and decided to go 'indoor', or she went in to lay her first egg. I say to fella that I would keep an eye out whilst he took pooch for a walk.
Immediately I started to feel as if I was on a stake out, so set up camp in the conservatory with some binoculars, sat and waited. It was amusing watching the other three chickens like this, they weren't doing anything particularly interested, but it was still fun to just watch.
Then out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a small bird land on the bird table, so zoomed in on it to see is I could tell what it was. I couldn't. I can spot robins, magpies and pigeons - that's about it!
One of my bug bears is not knowing. I want to know that those constellations are so when I look up I can go ah yes, that's such and such. I want to know what the different types of clouds are (don't ask I have no idea why I just do!) and as with many other things, I want to be able to recognise the different species of birds. It's really frustrating looking at a bird and thinking, so what are you then (apart from just a small bird that is!).
This was my window of opportunity, I grabbed a pen and pad, and about 4 different bird identification books. For the first bird I wrote down all the colourings first and then tried to look it up. It took me a while, but in the end I discovered it was in fact a Blue Tit.
Please welcome bird watcher extraordinaire! Honestly I spent about 4 hours consumed in watching the comings and goings of that bird table. We get a lot of Blue Tits, and after a while the novelty of seeing one wears off.
But nature has a funny way of rewarding the patient.
So I am sitting there, Blue Tit, Blue Tit, Blue Tit, another Blue Tit, oh hang on that's got different colourings on! Again I turn to the books, variation on a theme, but this time it was a Coal Tit! Doesn't sound exciting? Well they say variety is the spice of life, and yes, this not only spiced things up, it motivated me to continue to sit, and be patient, to see what else would drop by.
I never had myself down as a 'bird watcher', but I have to say I really did thoroughly enjoy the experience. It was quite a buzz watching, waiting, and then all of a sudden your patience is rewarded by something that isn't a Blue Tit or a Pigeon, or the reoccurring Robin! With every 'new' species that visited, I was able to search through the books, identify the bird, and read a little background on that species. When that species came back I could then go 'Ah, you're a Nuthatch, or whatever', and that is a very satisfying experience, be able to see something and know 'what' it is!
Whilst walking pooch at silly o'clock, my thoughts turned to yesterday morning, and that is when I realised that I had experience one of those 'life lessons'.
What would have happened if after the tenth Blue Tit landing on the table, I got bored or frustrated (is that all there is out there!), or perhaps lost sight of the real reason why I was sat there in the first place (staking out our grey chicken!). I would have been annoyed at myself because I'd just wasted half an hour of my life? I would have refocused my attentions onto something else, perhaps something less rewarding?
If I had of walked away the minute things got 'boring' or indeed at the times when all signs of life disappeared, I would have missed out, and wouldn't be where I am now - feeling quite humbled at the community that appears to have invaded our garden!!
When there was nothing to see, I'd divert my attention back to the chickens, or try and search the trees or the sky to see if i could see anything. Keeping an eye always on the bird table so that I could quickly go back to it when the birds decided to show.
It's the same for anyone who wants to get healthy and shift their excess baggage. You go on a diet, start off with great intentions, and then you get to the stage 'same thing, different day', you get bored, frustrated 'why aren't I seeing results yet!! It's been four days!', you get disheartened, and give up, walk away, do something else.
Well stop a minute will you? So you've decided to go on a diet, or just change your eating habits with the intention of becoming healthier. Remember how long it took for you to get like this in the first place? Well that's not going to be fixed over night - the magic lose weight over night weight loss fairy doesn't exist. I'm sorry to have to be the one to break it to you. It's like Santa or the tooth fairy, nice idea, but in reality, nothing in life is that free!
So what do you do? You practice being patient. You have faith that what you are doing will work - and you remind yourself of this every single day, every single night, and whenever your own El Saboteur pops up to say hello.
I learnt yesterday that nature has a way of rewarding the patient. How do predators get their dinner? patience! fishermen catch their fish? patience! NASA get man to the moon? Patience!! (oh and lots of money).
So you don't see results in the first three or four days - so what!? Have patience!! Keep your eye on the prize, have patience and before you know it, you'll be unexpectedly rewarded with a compliment 'my you're looking good, have you lost weight?', 'there's something different about you, have you lost weight?', 'wow you're one foxy lady, would you like to come out for a drink sometime' (sorry getting carried away with myself there!! But you see my point).
When you receive that compliment, store it away so that you can bash El Saboteur over the head with it later!! And if you're having a little trouble staying patience, change your focus. Continue your diet, but just focus your mind on something a little more fun / a new hobby, believe me, not only will you love the fact that you are living life, but you'll find the results will come much quicker!!
As mentioned in my last blog post, yesterday was spent mainly on my own as fella was away working and didn't get in until just gone 1:30am. As with most things in life, there were good bits, and not so good bits, but the day as a whole, yes I'll chalk up to a success.
Sometimes life throws you a bone and in a very random way, tries to teach you valuable 'life lessons' - you just have to be open enough to received I suppose.
This morning, whilst clearing the cobwebs, I realised that I had been given one of these life lessons.
Yesterday was a day off from work, and as there was nothing that needed doing that couldn't wait, the day was mine to do as I pleased with.
It all started in the morning. It was noted that our grey chicken has 'disappeared', and as the run was secure, meant one of two things - she was sick of the rain and decided to go 'indoor', or she went in to lay her first egg. I say to fella that I would keep an eye out whilst he took pooch for a walk.
Immediately I started to feel as if I was on a stake out, so set up camp in the conservatory with some binoculars, sat and waited. It was amusing watching the other three chickens like this, they weren't doing anything particularly interested, but it was still fun to just watch.
Then out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a small bird land on the bird table, so zoomed in on it to see is I could tell what it was. I couldn't. I can spot robins, magpies and pigeons - that's about it!
One of my bug bears is not knowing. I want to know that those constellations are so when I look up I can go ah yes, that's such and such. I want to know what the different types of clouds are (don't ask I have no idea why I just do!) and as with many other things, I want to be able to recognise the different species of birds. It's really frustrating looking at a bird and thinking, so what are you then (apart from just a small bird that is!).
This was my window of opportunity, I grabbed a pen and pad, and about 4 different bird identification books. For the first bird I wrote down all the colourings first and then tried to look it up. It took me a while, but in the end I discovered it was in fact a Blue Tit.
Please welcome bird watcher extraordinaire! Honestly I spent about 4 hours consumed in watching the comings and goings of that bird table. We get a lot of Blue Tits, and after a while the novelty of seeing one wears off.
But nature has a funny way of rewarding the patient.
So I am sitting there, Blue Tit, Blue Tit, Blue Tit, another Blue Tit, oh hang on that's got different colourings on! Again I turn to the books, variation on a theme, but this time it was a Coal Tit! Doesn't sound exciting? Well they say variety is the spice of life, and yes, this not only spiced things up, it motivated me to continue to sit, and be patient, to see what else would drop by.
I never had myself down as a 'bird watcher', but I have to say I really did thoroughly enjoy the experience. It was quite a buzz watching, waiting, and then all of a sudden your patience is rewarded by something that isn't a Blue Tit or a Pigeon, or the reoccurring Robin! With every 'new' species that visited, I was able to search through the books, identify the bird, and read a little background on that species. When that species came back I could then go 'Ah, you're a Nuthatch, or whatever', and that is a very satisfying experience, be able to see something and know 'what' it is!
Whilst walking pooch at silly o'clock, my thoughts turned to yesterday morning, and that is when I realised that I had experience one of those 'life lessons'.
What would have happened if after the tenth Blue Tit landing on the table, I got bored or frustrated (is that all there is out there!), or perhaps lost sight of the real reason why I was sat there in the first place (staking out our grey chicken!). I would have been annoyed at myself because I'd just wasted half an hour of my life? I would have refocused my attentions onto something else, perhaps something less rewarding?
If I had of walked away the minute things got 'boring' or indeed at the times when all signs of life disappeared, I would have missed out, and wouldn't be where I am now - feeling quite humbled at the community that appears to have invaded our garden!!
When there was nothing to see, I'd divert my attention back to the chickens, or try and search the trees or the sky to see if i could see anything. Keeping an eye always on the bird table so that I could quickly go back to it when the birds decided to show.
It's the same for anyone who wants to get healthy and shift their excess baggage. You go on a diet, start off with great intentions, and then you get to the stage 'same thing, different day', you get bored, frustrated 'why aren't I seeing results yet!! It's been four days!', you get disheartened, and give up, walk away, do something else.
Well stop a minute will you? So you've decided to go on a diet, or just change your eating habits with the intention of becoming healthier. Remember how long it took for you to get like this in the first place? Well that's not going to be fixed over night - the magic lose weight over night weight loss fairy doesn't exist. I'm sorry to have to be the one to break it to you. It's like Santa or the tooth fairy, nice idea, but in reality, nothing in life is that free!
So what do you do? You practice being patient. You have faith that what you are doing will work - and you remind yourself of this every single day, every single night, and whenever your own El Saboteur pops up to say hello.
I learnt yesterday that nature has a way of rewarding the patient. How do predators get their dinner? patience! fishermen catch their fish? patience! NASA get man to the moon? Patience!! (oh and lots of money).
So you don't see results in the first three or four days - so what!? Have patience!! Keep your eye on the prize, have patience and before you know it, you'll be unexpectedly rewarded with a compliment 'my you're looking good, have you lost weight?', 'there's something different about you, have you lost weight?', 'wow you're one foxy lady, would you like to come out for a drink sometime' (sorry getting carried away with myself there!! But you see my point).
When you receive that compliment, store it away so that you can bash El Saboteur over the head with it later!! And if you're having a little trouble staying patience, change your focus. Continue your diet, but just focus your mind on something a little more fun / a new hobby, believe me, not only will you love the fact that you are living life, but you'll find the results will come much quicker!!
Wednesday 8 September 2010
Weight Loss Dairy - 8th Sept 2010
She shoots - she scores!! Yes ladies and gentlemen, yesterday we were right back on track (and felt all the happier for it). I am loving how easily I got over my little blip, and got straight back down to business again - you know, life really is so much easier (and more fun) when you don't give yourself a hard time about silly little things.
Yesterday, I received my first compliment regarding my weight, from my mother of all people! As far as I am aware, she doesn't know that I've sent every single 'diet' to Hades. In fact I am sure she thinks I am actually 'on one' (which I'm not, I really can't stress that enough).
But yesterday after our singing group was over and I was packing everything away, she turned around and said to me 'so how much weight have you lost then'. Ahhhh my ma, we do tend to spit things out in an unfortunate tone - that's where I get that habit from you know. I replied about half a stone (well it was the last time I checked), and what was the response? 'Is that all?' (said sort of in disgust) 'you look like you've lost lots more than that, well, keep it up'. Way to go with the positive reinforcement! words were there, tone certainly wasn't tee hee.
Well you could have knocked me down with a kipper skipper! It was nice to hear, no matter in what form it took, that what I have been doing is certainly noticeable - go me!!
But I wonder, is it physical weight loss she is seeing, or is it because I am much more happier in myself, and that is shining through to the world? Either way, it's just one more piece of evidence proving that what I am doing right now for myself, is right for me right now.
My other cause of celebration yesterday was that for dinner, I had my very last weight watchers microwave meal - hurrah! Now despite what Paul McKenna suggests in his I can make you thin programme, no I am not going to go to the fridge / freezer and throw out all those untasteful low calorie diet foods. I have spent good money on them, and as much as I'm starting not to mind wasting food at meal times, I can't bring myself to waste full meals before I've even eaten them!
Now, don't get me wrong, weight watcher meals are 'ok'. Actually some do taste quite nice, but I'd rather have the real thing - home made, fresh, and baked in the oven, not nuked in the microwave! I did enjoy eaten them at the time, but now even more, I am enjoying the thought of only having fresh home cooked meals that make my mouth water - real unadulterated food!
I still have three tubs of slimfast milk shake to use up, and a few boxes of slim fast meal bars and no, I refuse to throw these out either. I wont have these every day, but sometimes, believe it or not, I do really fancy having a slimfast shake or a meal bar for one of my meals. So when I fancy, they are in the cupboard waiting for me. That's not to say I wont really enjoy seeing the back of them when they are all used up - and no, frankly when they are used up they wont be replaced. I'm just saying that at the moment, I can fit them easily and happily into my diet - I've already wasted the money by buying the stuff, I can't waste that money further by not using it.
So today then - big challenge is ahead of me! Other half has a gig up in Manchester of all places! So will be on my own for about twelve hours today (boo hoo).
My challenge today is to not allow El Saboteur (that's my new name for that little inner voice) to rear its ugly head. Honestly, there are lots of things I could be doing today and tonight, so need to focus on being productive, and not dwelling on the sofa again simply because I am on my own.
I think I'll take a leaf out of other halfs book and draw up a 'to do list' to keep me focused throughout the day, as it would be really good to be able to come back tomorrow and say that today was a complete success start to finish! :)
Yesterday, I received my first compliment regarding my weight, from my mother of all people! As far as I am aware, she doesn't know that I've sent every single 'diet' to Hades. In fact I am sure she thinks I am actually 'on one' (which I'm not, I really can't stress that enough).
But yesterday after our singing group was over and I was packing everything away, she turned around and said to me 'so how much weight have you lost then'. Ahhhh my ma, we do tend to spit things out in an unfortunate tone - that's where I get that habit from you know. I replied about half a stone (well it was the last time I checked), and what was the response? 'Is that all?' (said sort of in disgust) 'you look like you've lost lots more than that, well, keep it up'. Way to go with the positive reinforcement! words were there, tone certainly wasn't tee hee.
Well you could have knocked me down with a kipper skipper! It was nice to hear, no matter in what form it took, that what I have been doing is certainly noticeable - go me!!
But I wonder, is it physical weight loss she is seeing, or is it because I am much more happier in myself, and that is shining through to the world? Either way, it's just one more piece of evidence proving that what I am doing right now for myself, is right for me right now.
My other cause of celebration yesterday was that for dinner, I had my very last weight watchers microwave meal - hurrah! Now despite what Paul McKenna suggests in his I can make you thin programme, no I am not going to go to the fridge / freezer and throw out all those untasteful low calorie diet foods. I have spent good money on them, and as much as I'm starting not to mind wasting food at meal times, I can't bring myself to waste full meals before I've even eaten them!
Now, don't get me wrong, weight watcher meals are 'ok'. Actually some do taste quite nice, but I'd rather have the real thing - home made, fresh, and baked in the oven, not nuked in the microwave! I did enjoy eaten them at the time, but now even more, I am enjoying the thought of only having fresh home cooked meals that make my mouth water - real unadulterated food!
I still have three tubs of slimfast milk shake to use up, and a few boxes of slim fast meal bars and no, I refuse to throw these out either. I wont have these every day, but sometimes, believe it or not, I do really fancy having a slimfast shake or a meal bar for one of my meals. So when I fancy, they are in the cupboard waiting for me. That's not to say I wont really enjoy seeing the back of them when they are all used up - and no, frankly when they are used up they wont be replaced. I'm just saying that at the moment, I can fit them easily and happily into my diet - I've already wasted the money by buying the stuff, I can't waste that money further by not using it.
So today then - big challenge is ahead of me! Other half has a gig up in Manchester of all places! So will be on my own for about twelve hours today (boo hoo).
My challenge today is to not allow El Saboteur (that's my new name for that little inner voice) to rear its ugly head. Honestly, there are lots of things I could be doing today and tonight, so need to focus on being productive, and not dwelling on the sofa again simply because I am on my own.
I think I'll take a leaf out of other halfs book and draw up a 'to do list' to keep me focused throughout the day, as it would be really good to be able to come back tomorrow and say that today was a complete success start to finish! :)
Tuesday 7 September 2010
Houston We Have A Problem
Sometimes life opens up and there seems to be nothing you can't do, nothing you can't handle. You face challenges head on and are able to overcome them with relative ease.
Take the Apollo missions as a very good example:
Apollo 1 - ok admittedly they didn't get off to the best of starts, they were supposed to try and orbit the earth, but instead a fire killed 3 astronauts during a test exercise
Apollo 2 - What goes up must go bang after 2 minutes 56 seconds
Apollo 3 - What goes up must also go bang, but this time 4 minutes 53 seconds
Apollo's 4, 5 & 6 - Unmanned, but did manage to at least orbit the earth - go them!
So when you've dipped your toe in the water, tasted success, what happens? well, the real fun can begin!
Apollo 7 - 1st manned mission - 11 days spent orbiting the earth
Apollo 8 - 1st manned lunar mission, and first time man witnessed earth rise
Ok now we're cooking!
Apollo 9 - 1st lunar module flight, 10 days orbiting the earth
Apollo 10 - dress rehearsal for the main moon landing event
Apollo 11 - do I really need to tell you what happened on this mission!!??
Apollo 12 - the 2nd successful moon landing
Now we're getting cocky! However, when you ride the waves of success, you must expect a little bump on the head to bring you back down to earth now and again.
Apollo 13 - What goes up, must eventually comes down. So you're on your way to the moon, and all of a sudden a blip in your electrics causes your oxygen tanks to explode. What do you do? Well you have no choice but to seek assistance and try to limp home the best you can using the resources available - see the movie with Tom Hanks, you'll see what I mean.
Now you have two choices here, give up or get back on the horse and try again. What did NASA do? get back on the horse of course!
Apollo's 14, 15, 16 and 17 all went up, all landed (some more successfully than others) on the moon's surface and came back to earth with the goodies.
And the real tragidy? Apollo's 18, 19 & 20 were all cancelled due to funding!!! If they had carried on with the great gusto in which they had started - can you even imagine how far advanced our space travel technology would be by now!!?? It's kind of like, well we've been to the moon, that's great, we'll stop now and do something else!! Unbelievable.
Oh, you want a point here don't you??
As has been demonstrated over these past few days, I have been riding on my own wave of success. Yes, I had a bit of a 'false start', but I carried on regardless, started to enjoy myself and metaphorically speaking, I really did feel as if I had flown to the moon.
Yesterday, due to an electrical blip, my oxygen tanks exploded, and I found myself limping back to HQ.
So what happened? You remember yesterday I was explaining about my inner 'little voice', well when it didn't get anywhere with the cheese on toast, it decided to hit me somewhere else.
My partner goes out to work a lot, when he's in, he goes upstairs to work in the office (a lot), and when he isn't working he's going out down the pub with his magic bunnies, or off to the local astronomy society or wherever. Lately, he's been a very social bunny indeed, and me? Well quite the opposite, I've been at home, not having a life, and looking after a snoring dog who insists on dribbling on the sofa (in his sleep).
Yesterday, that 'little voice' took control - I'll hold my hands up to that right now, insanity ruled. I was thinking that perhaps he didn't enjoy my company? didn't enjoy being at home? started doubting myself, feeling like a door mat, worthless, and ultimately feeling very unloved and very lonely. That's the key word here, loneliness. Imagine the 1st scene from Bridget Jones Diary where she is sat on the sofa, a bit tipsy, depressed, and singing 'all by myself' (well miming anyway). That would be quite a good picture on how I was feeling last night.
So what happened, well when my negative emotions take a hold of me that strongly, I invariably go into the kitchen, grab the first alcoholic and food related item I can find, and dwell on the sofa.
After a fairly good nights sleep, what is my perspective on my beliefs and consequent behaviour? Well frankly, I have to laugh at myself. (oh hello inner coach, were were you last night!!!). Honestly, right now, I am smiling at myself for being so darn silly! I'll address the issue of my other half now, as feel leaving this as it is would do him a great injustice.
Ever since we first met, he has always been fiercly independant, as am I ( ahem but I obviously have my needy moments!). Being rather old fashioned in his values (again as am I to a degree), his focus is keeping his head down and working like mad so that we can afford the lifestyle we choose to lead. His release from work is going down the pub once a week (to have a diet coke, maybe 2 if he is feeling really adventurous), and just relax with (almost) like minded individuals who share his passion and love of all things magical (card tricks etc, not spell casting!!). Do I begrudge him that? Of course not! Like me, he needs to have a life away from the house, otherwise things can become a tad claustrophobic. His down side is that although yes it's good to have a life away from the home, he needs to understand that it would be nice if he had a life at home as well. Time management is not (to be polite) one of his strong points, and seeing to my social needs at home doesn't appear to be on the agenda!
Hence the loneliness I suppose - it's a signal that one of my human needs are simply not being met. But now that the problem has been identified, it can also be very easily rectified.
I am an emotional eater. No, let's rephrase that, I WAS an emotional eater. Last night was a blip. The vital difference though is unlike any other 'morning after', I can actually sit down and clearly identify the real reason behind the emotion. Why is this important? Well, it now enables me to think very carefully about how I choose to respond to that emotion the next time it rears it's ugly head.
Like Apollo 13, I now have a choice. We know what went wrong and why, so now we can either put the whole mission to bed, or bring in the engineers and make sure that my oxygen tanks don't explode again - and if they do, we have a solid contingency plan in place so we can act swiftly and prevent any loss of life (or sanity in my case!!).
If NASA had stopped because of this little blip, we would never have known as much about the moon, or earth, as we do now.
So next time you have a little 'blip', call it just that 'a little blip'. No one died, you slipped that's all. The most important thing you can do now is forgive yourself, work out why things went a little tits up, plan how you're going to fight back next time the same thing tries to happen again and MOVE ON! Get back on the horse, return to your outstanding shiny self and ride off into the sunset.
By the way, I completely forgive myself for last night - and yes, I am feeling fabulous once again.
And as for my other half - oh yes, he's fabulous too! (but not the dog as he's still snoring on the sofa next to me.....LAZY!!!)
Take the Apollo missions as a very good example:
Apollo 1 - ok admittedly they didn't get off to the best of starts, they were supposed to try and orbit the earth, but instead a fire killed 3 astronauts during a test exercise
Apollo 2 - What goes up must go bang after 2 minutes 56 seconds
Apollo 3 - What goes up must also go bang, but this time 4 minutes 53 seconds
Apollo's 4, 5 & 6 - Unmanned, but did manage to at least orbit the earth - go them!
So when you've dipped your toe in the water, tasted success, what happens? well, the real fun can begin!
Apollo 7 - 1st manned mission - 11 days spent orbiting the earth
Apollo 8 - 1st manned lunar mission, and first time man witnessed earth rise
Ok now we're cooking!
Apollo 9 - 1st lunar module flight, 10 days orbiting the earth
Apollo 10 - dress rehearsal for the main moon landing event
Apollo 11 - do I really need to tell you what happened on this mission!!??
Apollo 12 - the 2nd successful moon landing
Now we're getting cocky! However, when you ride the waves of success, you must expect a little bump on the head to bring you back down to earth now and again.
Apollo 13 - What goes up, must eventually comes down. So you're on your way to the moon, and all of a sudden a blip in your electrics causes your oxygen tanks to explode. What do you do? Well you have no choice but to seek assistance and try to limp home the best you can using the resources available - see the movie with Tom Hanks, you'll see what I mean.
Now you have two choices here, give up or get back on the horse and try again. What did NASA do? get back on the horse of course!
Apollo's 14, 15, 16 and 17 all went up, all landed (some more successfully than others) on the moon's surface and came back to earth with the goodies.
And the real tragidy? Apollo's 18, 19 & 20 were all cancelled due to funding!!! If they had carried on with the great gusto in which they had started - can you even imagine how far advanced our space travel technology would be by now!!?? It's kind of like, well we've been to the moon, that's great, we'll stop now and do something else!! Unbelievable.
Oh, you want a point here don't you??
As has been demonstrated over these past few days, I have been riding on my own wave of success. Yes, I had a bit of a 'false start', but I carried on regardless, started to enjoy myself and metaphorically speaking, I really did feel as if I had flown to the moon.
Yesterday, due to an electrical blip, my oxygen tanks exploded, and I found myself limping back to HQ.
So what happened? You remember yesterday I was explaining about my inner 'little voice', well when it didn't get anywhere with the cheese on toast, it decided to hit me somewhere else.
My partner goes out to work a lot, when he's in, he goes upstairs to work in the office (a lot), and when he isn't working he's going out down the pub with his magic bunnies, or off to the local astronomy society or wherever. Lately, he's been a very social bunny indeed, and me? Well quite the opposite, I've been at home, not having a life, and looking after a snoring dog who insists on dribbling on the sofa (in his sleep).
Yesterday, that 'little voice' took control - I'll hold my hands up to that right now, insanity ruled. I was thinking that perhaps he didn't enjoy my company? didn't enjoy being at home? started doubting myself, feeling like a door mat, worthless, and ultimately feeling very unloved and very lonely. That's the key word here, loneliness. Imagine the 1st scene from Bridget Jones Diary where she is sat on the sofa, a bit tipsy, depressed, and singing 'all by myself' (well miming anyway). That would be quite a good picture on how I was feeling last night.
So what happened, well when my negative emotions take a hold of me that strongly, I invariably go into the kitchen, grab the first alcoholic and food related item I can find, and dwell on the sofa.
After a fairly good nights sleep, what is my perspective on my beliefs and consequent behaviour? Well frankly, I have to laugh at myself. (oh hello inner coach, were were you last night!!!). Honestly, right now, I am smiling at myself for being so darn silly! I'll address the issue of my other half now, as feel leaving this as it is would do him a great injustice.
Ever since we first met, he has always been fiercly independant, as am I ( ahem but I obviously have my needy moments!). Being rather old fashioned in his values (again as am I to a degree), his focus is keeping his head down and working like mad so that we can afford the lifestyle we choose to lead. His release from work is going down the pub once a week (to have a diet coke, maybe 2 if he is feeling really adventurous), and just relax with (almost) like minded individuals who share his passion and love of all things magical (card tricks etc, not spell casting!!). Do I begrudge him that? Of course not! Like me, he needs to have a life away from the house, otherwise things can become a tad claustrophobic. His down side is that although yes it's good to have a life away from the home, he needs to understand that it would be nice if he had a life at home as well. Time management is not (to be polite) one of his strong points, and seeing to my social needs at home doesn't appear to be on the agenda!
Hence the loneliness I suppose - it's a signal that one of my human needs are simply not being met. But now that the problem has been identified, it can also be very easily rectified.
I am an emotional eater. No, let's rephrase that, I WAS an emotional eater. Last night was a blip. The vital difference though is unlike any other 'morning after', I can actually sit down and clearly identify the real reason behind the emotion. Why is this important? Well, it now enables me to think very carefully about how I choose to respond to that emotion the next time it rears it's ugly head.
Like Apollo 13, I now have a choice. We know what went wrong and why, so now we can either put the whole mission to bed, or bring in the engineers and make sure that my oxygen tanks don't explode again - and if they do, we have a solid contingency plan in place so we can act swiftly and prevent any loss of life (or sanity in my case!!).
If NASA had stopped because of this little blip, we would never have known as much about the moon, or earth, as we do now.
So next time you have a little 'blip', call it just that 'a little blip'. No one died, you slipped that's all. The most important thing you can do now is forgive yourself, work out why things went a little tits up, plan how you're going to fight back next time the same thing tries to happen again and MOVE ON! Get back on the horse, return to your outstanding shiny self and ride off into the sunset.
By the way, I completely forgive myself for last night - and yes, I am feeling fabulous once again.
And as for my other half - oh yes, he's fabulous too! (but not the dog as he's still snoring on the sofa next to me.....LAZY!!!)
Monday 6 September 2010
Weight Loss Diary - 6th Sept 2010
Did I ever tell you how much I am loving life at the moment? Oh I did? Ok stuck record alert!
So yesterday then, can definitely say yesterday was fabulous! Firstly, other half was out selling himself at a wedding fair for most of it. Usually when he's out, that's my subconscious cue to eat like a pig and over stuff myself. Ah ha! but not this day! For breakfast I indulged myself and had cheese on toast. That's 1 slice of bread, 3 very thin slices of cheese, and nada else. I enjoyed every single scrummy bite, and about half way through I started to feel full, so put my knife & fork down and stopped.
Yes it taunted me, 'ah go on, just one more bite, you know you really want to'. But actually no I didn't, I listened to my body, and ignored that silly little voice inside my head that always wants more. To ensure I didn't get tempted into finishing it off I quickly put the rest of the toast in the bin - I didn't fancy eating cold cheese on toast later in the day! :P
What a buzz! Sounds daft that, getting a buzz from knowing when your body has had enough, and simply listening to it, and stopping.
In other news, yesterday I also started to go through my pc and have had a bit of a clear out. Bit random? no, still on topic I promise!!
You see, on my pc, I have created for myself so many diets, weight loss thermometers, weight loss records, and excel spreadsheets working out if I lost so many pounds then I'd reach my goal weight by such and such a date. I literally did a day by day weight loss forecast. These have all been deleted, and my goodness, not only did it feel weird doing so, it felt quite therapeutic!
Like I said before DOWN WITH DIETS!! ah ha! To follow through on that philosophy I get to free up quite a lot of computer disk space!! (as well as head space). So what was for dinner? Steak and chips ta! Served on a tea plate so yes it was a much smaller portion that I'd usually have, and yes I ate every last bite - and yes I kept double checking with my body to see when I was getting full. It was just by luck I think that the portion size I gave myself was just enough to satisfy the physical hunger.......Score!!!
This morning I will admit, a tiny part of me wants to hop onto the scales, I mean it's been three days now since I freed myself from the evil that is fad dieting! Thankfully that little voice was silenced almost as soon as it was raised. Tut tut little voice you should really know better than to interfere like that!
I can tell you now that the part of me with 'the little voice' is actually curious to see whether this new way of doing things will work, and in the very back of my mind probably thinks this is just another 'fad' and I'll end up my biggest yet.
However, the more dominant 'voice' (let's call it my inner coach), is somehow able to scream over little voice, and know jolly well that if I carry on the way I am doing, then not only will I be happy, and living life as full as I want it to be, but I'll also be losing weight and WILL reach that healthy weight / body shape that is right for me. In fact the coach voice is so strong inside my head, I have little choice but to listen and believe it!! And I can't even describe how good that feels, how good that makes ME feel about myself.
I think success is quite addictive, although to be perfect honest I'd rather have that as an addiction than getting on the scales every single day and getting depressed because the magic weight loss fairy has yet again failed to make me 9 stone over night.
So how do we start experiencing success? Well you have to start somewhere, so why not start by doing something small.
I challenge you today to seek out success, no matter how small. You've been putting off doing the ironing, but you've got off your bum and finished it - SUCCESS! You ate two slices of toast for breakfast instead of the usual three or four - SUCCESS!! You decided you would by pass the bakery and not have your usual mid morning sausage roll / cake / packet of crisps etc - SUCCESS!!! (one less spoon of sugar in your tea, making that phone call or sending that email you've been meaning to, paying that outstanding bill, turning off the TV and doing something else with your spare time this evening - all adds up to success!! BUT it HAS to be what YOU really want and what is relevant for YOU!(and not because someone else said that you 'had to'))
It doesn't matter how small it may feel at the time, if you have been able to do something that you have either been putting off, didn't think you had the will power, or just something you don't usually do but have now done - mark it up on the chalk board and give yourself a well deserved pat on the back for a job very well done!
There is another part of this challenge - once you have achieved that first success, don't brush it under the carpet. You have GOT to take a step back, and really appreciate what it is you have done - even if it's 'only' getting the vacuum out and vacuuming the carpet! The point is that this is YOUR achievement, YOUR success and you should not only feel proud of yourself for achieving it, but you ARE ALLOWED to bathe in the shiny glory that is your brilliance!
Because believe it or not, you are brilliant - you just may not have realised yet.
So go on - how are you going to be brilliant and achieve your own success today?
x-x-x
So yesterday then, can definitely say yesterday was fabulous! Firstly, other half was out selling himself at a wedding fair for most of it. Usually when he's out, that's my subconscious cue to eat like a pig and over stuff myself. Ah ha! but not this day! For breakfast I indulged myself and had cheese on toast. That's 1 slice of bread, 3 very thin slices of cheese, and nada else. I enjoyed every single scrummy bite, and about half way through I started to feel full, so put my knife & fork down and stopped.
Yes it taunted me, 'ah go on, just one more bite, you know you really want to'. But actually no I didn't, I listened to my body, and ignored that silly little voice inside my head that always wants more. To ensure I didn't get tempted into finishing it off I quickly put the rest of the toast in the bin - I didn't fancy eating cold cheese on toast later in the day! :P
What a buzz! Sounds daft that, getting a buzz from knowing when your body has had enough, and simply listening to it, and stopping.
In other news, yesterday I also started to go through my pc and have had a bit of a clear out. Bit random? no, still on topic I promise!!
You see, on my pc, I have created for myself so many diets, weight loss thermometers, weight loss records, and excel spreadsheets working out if I lost so many pounds then I'd reach my goal weight by such and such a date. I literally did a day by day weight loss forecast. These have all been deleted, and my goodness, not only did it feel weird doing so, it felt quite therapeutic!
Like I said before DOWN WITH DIETS!! ah ha! To follow through on that philosophy I get to free up quite a lot of computer disk space!! (as well as head space). So what was for dinner? Steak and chips ta! Served on a tea plate so yes it was a much smaller portion that I'd usually have, and yes I ate every last bite - and yes I kept double checking with my body to see when I was getting full. It was just by luck I think that the portion size I gave myself was just enough to satisfy the physical hunger.......Score!!!
This morning I will admit, a tiny part of me wants to hop onto the scales, I mean it's been three days now since I freed myself from the evil that is fad dieting! Thankfully that little voice was silenced almost as soon as it was raised. Tut tut little voice you should really know better than to interfere like that!
I can tell you now that the part of me with 'the little voice' is actually curious to see whether this new way of doing things will work, and in the very back of my mind probably thinks this is just another 'fad' and I'll end up my biggest yet.
However, the more dominant 'voice' (let's call it my inner coach), is somehow able to scream over little voice, and know jolly well that if I carry on the way I am doing, then not only will I be happy, and living life as full as I want it to be, but I'll also be losing weight and WILL reach that healthy weight / body shape that is right for me. In fact the coach voice is so strong inside my head, I have little choice but to listen and believe it!! And I can't even describe how good that feels, how good that makes ME feel about myself.
I think success is quite addictive, although to be perfect honest I'd rather have that as an addiction than getting on the scales every single day and getting depressed because the magic weight loss fairy has yet again failed to make me 9 stone over night.
So how do we start experiencing success? Well you have to start somewhere, so why not start by doing something small.
I challenge you today to seek out success, no matter how small. You've been putting off doing the ironing, but you've got off your bum and finished it - SUCCESS! You ate two slices of toast for breakfast instead of the usual three or four - SUCCESS!! You decided you would by pass the bakery and not have your usual mid morning sausage roll / cake / packet of crisps etc - SUCCESS!!! (one less spoon of sugar in your tea, making that phone call or sending that email you've been meaning to, paying that outstanding bill, turning off the TV and doing something else with your spare time this evening - all adds up to success!! BUT it HAS to be what YOU really want and what is relevant for YOU!(and not because someone else said that you 'had to'))
It doesn't matter how small it may feel at the time, if you have been able to do something that you have either been putting off, didn't think you had the will power, or just something you don't usually do but have now done - mark it up on the chalk board and give yourself a well deserved pat on the back for a job very well done!
There is another part of this challenge - once you have achieved that first success, don't brush it under the carpet. You have GOT to take a step back, and really appreciate what it is you have done - even if it's 'only' getting the vacuum out and vacuuming the carpet! The point is that this is YOUR achievement, YOUR success and you should not only feel proud of yourself for achieving it, but you ARE ALLOWED to bathe in the shiny glory that is your brilliance!
Because believe it or not, you are brilliant - you just may not have realised yet.
So go on - how are you going to be brilliant and achieve your own success today?
x-x-x
Sunday 5 September 2010
Weight Loss Diary 5th Sept 2010
Yesterday I spent three fabulous hours sorting out my front garden! When we first moved to our new home, about two and a half months ago now, our garden was basically a gravel pit. The previous occupiers had covered the 'garden' in builders shingle (not even the pretty stuff!) and for the past sixteen years had been using it as a car park.
Even before we moved in, I told myself that this would be one of the first things I would sort out. It did of course mean moving all that shingle, finding weed repellent matting underneath, hoofing that up, then periodically trying to loosing what was compacted dead soil. After which came the expensive part - buying lots and lots of top soil, compost, bedding flowers, borders and finally the all important turf!
Progress was slow, but steady, as I was doing this mainly all by myself (and on the odd Saturday's ma would come over and help), and week by week, little by little, my little country garden began to emerge.
Yesterday, I was able to lay the final pieces of turf, plant the rockery, and even cover the foot of concrete on the very front edge with bark. Not for the first time on this project, I was able to stand back and really appreciate not only the time and hard work put in, but more importantly the end result!
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not finished yet, I still have my white picket fence to buy / make / put up, a small border separating the grass bit from the 'driveway' bit, oh and let's not forget actually removing another large mound of shingle from the car park bit, flattening that out, and at some point laying paving slabs, or whatever I decide will suit best!
Even though I still have lots to do, my focus is on what I have already achieved - the lush green grass, the pretty flowers still full of colour, the Divine smell of freshly laid bark (sorry it's a fetish I never knew I had until yesterday!!).
So what's my point? Well, let's come back to the real topic of weight loss.
One of the first things I did this morning before taking doggy woof woof out for a walk, was stand in front of my full length mirror and just look at myself, and to be perfectly frank, I didn't dislike what I saw. Ok, so clothes are slightly more loose than I'd of expected (do I dare try a smaller size yet? My sources say no, not yet, maybe next week we'll be brave and see!!) but over all, even when doing a little spin, I can actually see a difference in me.
Now whether this is body shape, or just my own mental perception of me, I really can't say. But the point is I'm starting to look at myself differently, and that my friends is progress!
As with the garden, the initial external view wasn't ideal. It did the job yes, but wasn't what I personally wanted to see. But slowly, week by week, with a little bit consistent effort the results of my labours are beginning to show.
My focus isn't on 'all that weight I've still got to lose' (because let's not kid ourselves, I still have a long way to go on that front). Instead, I've turned my focus onto what I have already lost, and how in that mirror, I can very clearly see my end desired result.
Not only can I see my end result crystal clear, but I'm also beginning to LIVE as if I have already achieved my perfect size and perfect weight.
And that I feel calls for a massive WHOOP WHOOP!!
x-x-x
Even before we moved in, I told myself that this would be one of the first things I would sort out. It did of course mean moving all that shingle, finding weed repellent matting underneath, hoofing that up, then periodically trying to loosing what was compacted dead soil. After which came the expensive part - buying lots and lots of top soil, compost, bedding flowers, borders and finally the all important turf!
Progress was slow, but steady, as I was doing this mainly all by myself (and on the odd Saturday's ma would come over and help), and week by week, little by little, my little country garden began to emerge.
Yesterday, I was able to lay the final pieces of turf, plant the rockery, and even cover the foot of concrete on the very front edge with bark. Not for the first time on this project, I was able to stand back and really appreciate not only the time and hard work put in, but more importantly the end result!
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not finished yet, I still have my white picket fence to buy / make / put up, a small border separating the grass bit from the 'driveway' bit, oh and let's not forget actually removing another large mound of shingle from the car park bit, flattening that out, and at some point laying paving slabs, or whatever I decide will suit best!
Even though I still have lots to do, my focus is on what I have already achieved - the lush green grass, the pretty flowers still full of colour, the Divine smell of freshly laid bark (sorry it's a fetish I never knew I had until yesterday!!).
So what's my point? Well, let's come back to the real topic of weight loss.
One of the first things I did this morning before taking doggy woof woof out for a walk, was stand in front of my full length mirror and just look at myself, and to be perfectly frank, I didn't dislike what I saw. Ok, so clothes are slightly more loose than I'd of expected (do I dare try a smaller size yet? My sources say no, not yet, maybe next week we'll be brave and see!!) but over all, even when doing a little spin, I can actually see a difference in me.
Now whether this is body shape, or just my own mental perception of me, I really can't say. But the point is I'm starting to look at myself differently, and that my friends is progress!
As with the garden, the initial external view wasn't ideal. It did the job yes, but wasn't what I personally wanted to see. But slowly, week by week, with a little bit consistent effort the results of my labours are beginning to show.
My focus isn't on 'all that weight I've still got to lose' (because let's not kid ourselves, I still have a long way to go on that front). Instead, I've turned my focus onto what I have already lost, and how in that mirror, I can very clearly see my end desired result.
Not only can I see my end result crystal clear, but I'm also beginning to LIVE as if I have already achieved my perfect size and perfect weight.
And that I feel calls for a massive WHOOP WHOOP!!
x-x-x
Saturday 4 September 2010
Good Morning Me!!
This is a very strange feeling. I woke up this morning without the usual weight related hang ups. I didn't get up early, haven't exercised, and yet, I feel none of the usual guilt / annoyance / sense of failure that I usually do this time of a morning when I say I'll do something, but end up not.
As I said yesterday, such a huge weight has been (metaphorically) lifted from my shoulders, and now I am faced with a huge void of not knowing quite what to do with myself, how I 'should' be feeling or what I 'should' be doing.
Strangely, I had the most comfortable (and snuggly) nights sleep last night, and I have awoken this morning fresh and alert! Why strange? Because 'usually' I'm waking up, or tossing and turning, and when I wake up, I'm just as groggy in the morning as I was when I went to bed! But not last night, last night was simply sublime :D
As I was walking out of the bedroom, I noticed a couple of books on my dressing table this morning, both entitled 'change your life in seven days!'. I had to chuckle as I haven't even touched them yet, besides which, my feelings this morning were why wait seven days!? I'm changing right now!! I didn't believe it was possible to change 'just like that', but a switch has finally clicked in my brain, and now I believe that anything really is possible - even choosing to change your psychological mind set, and then 'just doing it'.
So onwards and upwards, as it's a Saturday I'll more than likely just do 'busy' jobs today, dog needs a trim, garden needs hoeing that sort of thing, and yes I'll probably get round to doing the housework too! (but we wont hold our breaths on that last one tee hee). I may even just spend a couple of hours sitting in the garden reading (don't gasp, I know, when does that ever happen!?).
The point is, I find myself in a position where there is so much I really want to be doing - none of which involves sitting on my behind, in doors, watching that thing in the corner called TV.
My time is now, not in seven days time, not 'when i reach my goal weight'.
It's right here, and right now. So let's go show the world what I'm really made of :D
As I said yesterday, such a huge weight has been (metaphorically) lifted from my shoulders, and now I am faced with a huge void of not knowing quite what to do with myself, how I 'should' be feeling or what I 'should' be doing.
Strangely, I had the most comfortable (and snuggly) nights sleep last night, and I have awoken this morning fresh and alert! Why strange? Because 'usually' I'm waking up, or tossing and turning, and when I wake up, I'm just as groggy in the morning as I was when I went to bed! But not last night, last night was simply sublime :D
As I was walking out of the bedroom, I noticed a couple of books on my dressing table this morning, both entitled 'change your life in seven days!'. I had to chuckle as I haven't even touched them yet, besides which, my feelings this morning were why wait seven days!? I'm changing right now!! I didn't believe it was possible to change 'just like that', but a switch has finally clicked in my brain, and now I believe that anything really is possible - even choosing to change your psychological mind set, and then 'just doing it'.
So onwards and upwards, as it's a Saturday I'll more than likely just do 'busy' jobs today, dog needs a trim, garden needs hoeing that sort of thing, and yes I'll probably get round to doing the housework too! (but we wont hold our breaths on that last one tee hee). I may even just spend a couple of hours sitting in the garden reading (don't gasp, I know, when does that ever happen!?).
The point is, I find myself in a position where there is so much I really want to be doing - none of which involves sitting on my behind, in doors, watching that thing in the corner called TV.
My time is now, not in seven days time, not 'when i reach my goal weight'.
It's right here, and right now. So let's go show the world what I'm really made of :D
Friday 3 September 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Final Review
I will warn you up front this will be one of my longest blogs yet!
Almost 40 days ago now I began my weight loss journey. As far as weight loss is concerned, I've lost half a stone, and I can say hand on heart I look no different. To me half a stone is just a drop in the ocean. Yes it's a start, not a very good one, but a start none the less. In that time I would have liked to have at least doubled that figure, but I didn't, and despite this, the challenge did achieve a necessary change!
When looking back at myself at the beginning of the challenge, on a psychological level I am looking at a completely different person. I see a person with numerous emotional and psychological ties that each in turn took a chunk out of my own personal happiness and overall well being.
Where these ties came from, well some I have my suspicions, some I'm sure if I sat and dwelled long enough I'd discover a deep and meaningful under lying cause and some I'm sure have no base in reality what-so-ever. Who knows, but more importantly, who cares!
Beware the ties that bind - for these are the restrictions you place upon yourself. Hang on a mo, I'll fetch the scissors.
So there I was back then, hating myself, hating the scales, hating food, and generally dissatisfied with life. Now there's a pretty picture ain't it!
I knew, as I still know now, my desired end result, not just with weight loss, but in life, career, home etc. The problem is knowing the destination is simply not good enough, even thinking you know how you're going to achieve your goals isn't enough. If you don't release that which is really tieing you down, even though you may think you're moving in the right direction, you're not.
I thought I had the answer. I was going to lose 1 lb every day, reach my goal weight quickly and be happy ever after. I was going to achieve this by restricting my calorie intake and exercising like there was no tomorrow. Before you all start tutting or shouting at me, I want you to note the over use of 'past tense' in the paragraph.
Good in theory? well no, but I thought it was. So on day one, I stepped on the scales, 2lbs off - great! Day two, I stepped on the scales, 1 lb off - still great! Day three, I stepped on the scales, another 1 lb off - this is going so well. Day three - um, so hungry I end up eating that blasted horse, now hung up on the fact that I've just undone the past three days. Day four, I stepped on the scales - oh bugga, I have. Feel really depressed and like a complete failure. Vow to do another week of the above before I step back on the scales. And so we go on. This is literally the rut I had gotten myself in.
Weighing yourself every single day, no matter how you try and dress it up, is an unhealthy obsession. It's an addiction, pure and simple.
So when Paul McKenna suggests as part of his I can make you thin plan, that maybe you only weigh yourself once every two weeks, or even just once a month, well in theory I could see the logic. But getting off those scales were really hard!! I had a real battle with myself, and in the beginning I'd justify to myself that I was having 'just a quick check' on my weight loss progress. So what happens, when the scales didn't move, or it went up (because I wasn't actually following the plan and reverted back to old habits), I'd get disheartened, feel like a failure and vow to do better. Which let's be honest, I never did.
I took some much needed time out this morning to reflect on my life and I suppose if I had made any headway what-so-ever.
Actually, when looking at where I am as opposed to where I was:
- I'm more aware of the feeling of actual hunger, and can recognise when the hunger is physical or emotional.
- I'm learning to accept that actually, I'm not so bad after all
- I've banished the scales. I don't need them right now, and I have no desire to continue to be dictated to by the results they show.
- I'm learning more about the correct portion sizes for me, and accept that smaller portions are not only fine, but normal!
Frankly this list could go on for quite a bit! But the most important revelation of all is that I will NEVER touch another so called 'diet' ever again!
I'm listening very carefully to what my body needs, and what it doesn't need is another 'crash diet'. It doesn't need to be told that it can only have liquids, or a combination of liquids and so called 'meals'. It doesn't need to be told that it can only eat certain foods on certain days, or count calories or 'points' or fat content or weigh and measure every thing!
My father once said to me 'everything in moderation', and you know, I never really appreciated this little saying - until now.
Beware the ties that bind - my true ties were feeling as if I had to 'diet' and constantly weigh myself in order to gain acceptance in the world.
Well I will tell you right now - NOT ANY MORE!!! My body knows what it wants, and you know what, I'm jolly well going to work WITH it and give it exactly what it wants, instead of working against it and trying to starve or restrict the energy it needs to live.
Don't think for one minute I have completely potty and am on the road for gaining a million pounds in weight and become Britain's fattest female! Oh no, on the contrary, I have every intention of only eating when I'm hungry, stopping when I'm full even (gasp!) throwing away food I can't eat, or at least storing the left overs until such a time my body is physically hungry again.
My future is bright. My future is very shiny. My future involves reaching a healthy weight which is perfect for me. My future is freedom from those negative ties, freedom from diets, freedom from constantly weighing myself and obsessing that I 'Should' be this weight by this date.
I am putting my 'weight loss challenge' to bed now, once and for all. I'm not going to stop blogging by any stretch of the imagination, I enjoy it! so why stop!!?
And yes, I'll still report on my weight loss, and share, perhaps in more detail, all the things I'm learning and experiencing along the way.
Today I have realised that without all these binds, my future has suddenly become so squeezabley good! It's crazy but all this weight has been lifted completely from my shoulders!
I've got my zest for life back - and frankly I'm now just itching to go out and just live!
x-x-x
Almost 40 days ago now I began my weight loss journey. As far as weight loss is concerned, I've lost half a stone, and I can say hand on heart I look no different. To me half a stone is just a drop in the ocean. Yes it's a start, not a very good one, but a start none the less. In that time I would have liked to have at least doubled that figure, but I didn't, and despite this, the challenge did achieve a necessary change!
When looking back at myself at the beginning of the challenge, on a psychological level I am looking at a completely different person. I see a person with numerous emotional and psychological ties that each in turn took a chunk out of my own personal happiness and overall well being.
Where these ties came from, well some I have my suspicions, some I'm sure if I sat and dwelled long enough I'd discover a deep and meaningful under lying cause and some I'm sure have no base in reality what-so-ever. Who knows, but more importantly, who cares!
Beware the ties that bind - for these are the restrictions you place upon yourself. Hang on a mo, I'll fetch the scissors.
So there I was back then, hating myself, hating the scales, hating food, and generally dissatisfied with life. Now there's a pretty picture ain't it!
I knew, as I still know now, my desired end result, not just with weight loss, but in life, career, home etc. The problem is knowing the destination is simply not good enough, even thinking you know how you're going to achieve your goals isn't enough. If you don't release that which is really tieing you down, even though you may think you're moving in the right direction, you're not.
I thought I had the answer. I was going to lose 1 lb every day, reach my goal weight quickly and be happy ever after. I was going to achieve this by restricting my calorie intake and exercising like there was no tomorrow. Before you all start tutting or shouting at me, I want you to note the over use of 'past tense' in the paragraph.
Good in theory? well no, but I thought it was. So on day one, I stepped on the scales, 2lbs off - great! Day two, I stepped on the scales, 1 lb off - still great! Day three, I stepped on the scales, another 1 lb off - this is going so well. Day three - um, so hungry I end up eating that blasted horse, now hung up on the fact that I've just undone the past three days. Day four, I stepped on the scales - oh bugga, I have. Feel really depressed and like a complete failure. Vow to do another week of the above before I step back on the scales. And so we go on. This is literally the rut I had gotten myself in.
Weighing yourself every single day, no matter how you try and dress it up, is an unhealthy obsession. It's an addiction, pure and simple.
So when Paul McKenna suggests as part of his I can make you thin plan, that maybe you only weigh yourself once every two weeks, or even just once a month, well in theory I could see the logic. But getting off those scales were really hard!! I had a real battle with myself, and in the beginning I'd justify to myself that I was having 'just a quick check' on my weight loss progress. So what happens, when the scales didn't move, or it went up (because I wasn't actually following the plan and reverted back to old habits), I'd get disheartened, feel like a failure and vow to do better. Which let's be honest, I never did.
I took some much needed time out this morning to reflect on my life and I suppose if I had made any headway what-so-ever.
Actually, when looking at where I am as opposed to where I was:
- I'm more aware of the feeling of actual hunger, and can recognise when the hunger is physical or emotional.
- I'm learning to accept that actually, I'm not so bad after all
- I've banished the scales. I don't need them right now, and I have no desire to continue to be dictated to by the results they show.
- I'm learning more about the correct portion sizes for me, and accept that smaller portions are not only fine, but normal!
Frankly this list could go on for quite a bit! But the most important revelation of all is that I will NEVER touch another so called 'diet' ever again!
I'm listening very carefully to what my body needs, and what it doesn't need is another 'crash diet'. It doesn't need to be told that it can only have liquids, or a combination of liquids and so called 'meals'. It doesn't need to be told that it can only eat certain foods on certain days, or count calories or 'points' or fat content or weigh and measure every thing!
My father once said to me 'everything in moderation', and you know, I never really appreciated this little saying - until now.
Beware the ties that bind - my true ties were feeling as if I had to 'diet' and constantly weigh myself in order to gain acceptance in the world.
Well I will tell you right now - NOT ANY MORE!!! My body knows what it wants, and you know what, I'm jolly well going to work WITH it and give it exactly what it wants, instead of working against it and trying to starve or restrict the energy it needs to live.
Don't think for one minute I have completely potty and am on the road for gaining a million pounds in weight and become Britain's fattest female! Oh no, on the contrary, I have every intention of only eating when I'm hungry, stopping when I'm full even (gasp!) throwing away food I can't eat, or at least storing the left overs until such a time my body is physically hungry again.
My future is bright. My future is very shiny. My future involves reaching a healthy weight which is perfect for me. My future is freedom from those negative ties, freedom from diets, freedom from constantly weighing myself and obsessing that I 'Should' be this weight by this date.
I am putting my 'weight loss challenge' to bed now, once and for all. I'm not going to stop blogging by any stretch of the imagination, I enjoy it! so why stop!!?
And yes, I'll still report on my weight loss, and share, perhaps in more detail, all the things I'm learning and experiencing along the way.
Today I have realised that without all these binds, my future has suddenly become so squeezabley good! It's crazy but all this weight has been lifted completely from my shoulders!
I've got my zest for life back - and frankly I'm now just itching to go out and just live!
x-x-x
Tuesday 31 August 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Day Thirty Five
Another August Bank Holiday has come and gone, and yet another excuse to pig out and drink to high heaven all for the sake of a good time...... Or so you would have thought.
'Routine' was totally thrown out of the window with gay abandon, no CD, no (not so yet) friendly mirror, no consciously eating, no exercise and yes alcohol was involved every single day.
Sounds like I completely lost control of my senses doesn't it? And yet upon creeping onto those nasty scales hidden behind the TV just to 'check' the damage. Nothing. No change. They neither went up or down from the last time I hopped on. I'm still 6lbs down from starting weight!
How in the heck did I get away with it then!!? In order to see where it could have gone wrong, and didn't - Let's look at the evidence:
Saturday: Spent 4 hours doing garden things - mainly laying turf and digging flowers in my freshly dug boarder (looking fab!!). Had a chip butty for lunch (I don't think I have ever had a chip butty in my life, but just fancied one!). No butter on the bread, and the chips were dried cooked in the oven. After a nice relaxing soak in the bath, had a late dinner which consisted of a small minted lamb steak and roast potatoes (obviously craved the carbs that day), and a couple of glasses of whiskey and ginger ale
Sunday: Day at my mothers, who did the usual large array of food items for lunch - choice on the menu, marinated chicken, 2 lots of pork (medallions, and some flavoured variety), sausages (yes I know that's pork too!) potatoes, veg, etc etc. Before commencing the 'help yourself' buffet, I changed the size of my plate from the large dinner plate, to a large tea plate. I had 1 sausage, 1 pork thing and a spoonful of potatoes. My thinking was I'll have a small amount first, and if I was still hungry afterwards I'd go back for seconds. Had 1 glass of red wine with dinner, followed by about three glasses of water (not intentional, just after the wine and the pork just 'felt' like I needed water.
In the end, no I didn't have seconds. I didn't even feel like pudding either as I was full enough! For supper, again the usual buffet spread of cheese, ham, chicken, crisps, bread etc was offered. I chose a small bun first, cut a slice of cheese, then spilt that in half and put it on the bread (no butter). Also had a packet of crisps and a glass of red wine. When I finished the supper, I fancied some more, so had another small roll, but this time had a slice of ham cut into 2 and half the ham on each half of bread. Was quite full after that!!
Monday: second day of visiting, but this time other halfs side. Picked up his nan first, where we stopped for a cup of tea (1 sugar only, usually have 2), and a slice of batten burg. Made our way over to his mothers, dinner consisted of steamed carrots, green beans, potatoes, and 2 grilled pork. Ok, so I could have done without the 2nd piece of pork, but this is mother-in-laws for goodness sake! haven't quite worked out how to reduce portion sizes over there yet. Oh, and we had a small Gin & Tonic with dinner. For pudding, we had an oyster shell!! (oyster shell shaped wafer, end dipped in chocolate and coconut, inside was a little marsh mellow, you basically open it up, add a little ice cream, close it back up again and eat - a weekend full of firsts for me!).
For supper, mother-in-law also did a buffet 'help yourself' spread. Was a bit sneaky here, took 1 slice of bread, cut it into 4 slices so make essentially what was half a sandwich. Gave into temptation and had a another slice of bread and did the same thing. So what was that, basically a sandwich then! (again no butter). For pudding we had a Victoria sponge. Now I was again a little sneaky here, the way his dad managed to cut it meant there was one piece far smaller than the other three, so I grabbed that one up quick!
This may not make too much sense, but even though I had a devil may care attitude over my eating habits the pass few days, I was still unconsciously very much in control (so it would seem!!). I have navigated my way around this bank holiday and come out the other end victorious!!
Now I can get back on track (so to speak). Focus today is to get back on the treadmill, back in front of the mirror and back listening to the CD. According to the success journal I have a weigh in at the end of the week, and you know what, I know for a fact I'll be over that half a stone mark, that's just a foregone conclusion. What I'm interested in now is just how close to the stone mark I can make it? ooooooo exciting stuff!! :D
'Routine' was totally thrown out of the window with gay abandon, no CD, no (not so yet) friendly mirror, no consciously eating, no exercise and yes alcohol was involved every single day.
Sounds like I completely lost control of my senses doesn't it? And yet upon creeping onto those nasty scales hidden behind the TV just to 'check' the damage. Nothing. No change. They neither went up or down from the last time I hopped on. I'm still 6lbs down from starting weight!
How in the heck did I get away with it then!!? In order to see where it could have gone wrong, and didn't - Let's look at the evidence:
Saturday: Spent 4 hours doing garden things - mainly laying turf and digging flowers in my freshly dug boarder (looking fab!!). Had a chip butty for lunch (I don't think I have ever had a chip butty in my life, but just fancied one!). No butter on the bread, and the chips were dried cooked in the oven. After a nice relaxing soak in the bath, had a late dinner which consisted of a small minted lamb steak and roast potatoes (obviously craved the carbs that day), and a couple of glasses of whiskey and ginger ale
Sunday: Day at my mothers, who did the usual large array of food items for lunch - choice on the menu, marinated chicken, 2 lots of pork (medallions, and some flavoured variety), sausages (yes I know that's pork too!) potatoes, veg, etc etc. Before commencing the 'help yourself' buffet, I changed the size of my plate from the large dinner plate, to a large tea plate. I had 1 sausage, 1 pork thing and a spoonful of potatoes. My thinking was I'll have a small amount first, and if I was still hungry afterwards I'd go back for seconds. Had 1 glass of red wine with dinner, followed by about three glasses of water (not intentional, just after the wine and the pork just 'felt' like I needed water.
In the end, no I didn't have seconds. I didn't even feel like pudding either as I was full enough! For supper, again the usual buffet spread of cheese, ham, chicken, crisps, bread etc was offered. I chose a small bun first, cut a slice of cheese, then spilt that in half and put it on the bread (no butter). Also had a packet of crisps and a glass of red wine. When I finished the supper, I fancied some more, so had another small roll, but this time had a slice of ham cut into 2 and half the ham on each half of bread. Was quite full after that!!
Monday: second day of visiting, but this time other halfs side. Picked up his nan first, where we stopped for a cup of tea (1 sugar only, usually have 2), and a slice of batten burg. Made our way over to his mothers, dinner consisted of steamed carrots, green beans, potatoes, and 2 grilled pork. Ok, so I could have done without the 2nd piece of pork, but this is mother-in-laws for goodness sake! haven't quite worked out how to reduce portion sizes over there yet. Oh, and we had a small Gin & Tonic with dinner. For pudding, we had an oyster shell!! (oyster shell shaped wafer, end dipped in chocolate and coconut, inside was a little marsh mellow, you basically open it up, add a little ice cream, close it back up again and eat - a weekend full of firsts for me!).
For supper, mother-in-law also did a buffet 'help yourself' spread. Was a bit sneaky here, took 1 slice of bread, cut it into 4 slices so make essentially what was half a sandwich. Gave into temptation and had a another slice of bread and did the same thing. So what was that, basically a sandwich then! (again no butter). For pudding we had a Victoria sponge. Now I was again a little sneaky here, the way his dad managed to cut it meant there was one piece far smaller than the other three, so I grabbed that one up quick!
This may not make too much sense, but even though I had a devil may care attitude over my eating habits the pass few days, I was still unconsciously very much in control (so it would seem!!). I have navigated my way around this bank holiday and come out the other end victorious!!
Now I can get back on track (so to speak). Focus today is to get back on the treadmill, back in front of the mirror and back listening to the CD. According to the success journal I have a weigh in at the end of the week, and you know what, I know for a fact I'll be over that half a stone mark, that's just a foregone conclusion. What I'm interested in now is just how close to the stone mark I can make it? ooooooo exciting stuff!! :D
Wednesday 25 August 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Day Twenty Nine
And when they were up they jolly well stayed up! Very pleased to report normal services have been resumed and focus is right back where it should be......um, that'll be me, bikini & holiday then!! (or at least a posh frock and feeling fabulous)
Yesterday, I drank plenty of water, didn't feel bloated after eating, and even managed to burn off some vital calories whilst spending 2 hours sorting out the front garden. Fresh air and exercise, there really isn't anything like it!
'Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't shoot their husbands.....they just don't' - Elle Woods, Legally Blond.
They also don't shout at their dogs when they decide to 'christen' freshly raked soil, their partners for not telling you they've already eaten, when you specifically told them that you would cook dinner ready for when they got home from work, or turn the air blue when there is a village power cut, causing your laptop to crash and undoing a lot of hard work and effort!
Exercise is a great stress reliever, and really does help you to overcome lifes minor (or major) irritations with poise and dignity!
This morning I spent another hour outside, but this time tidying a little of the back garden (I really do love in the week days off, they're so productive!!). My intention is to resume back garden activities when the rain has stopped - I've not got much more to do in the small corner I was tidying, so am keen to get back out there, get it finished, and be smug that it was a good job well done! Although admittedly the rain doesn't look like it's stopping any time soon - hey ho, that's British weather for you!
Yesterday, I drank plenty of water, didn't feel bloated after eating, and even managed to burn off some vital calories whilst spending 2 hours sorting out the front garden. Fresh air and exercise, there really isn't anything like it!
'Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't shoot their husbands.....they just don't' - Elle Woods, Legally Blond.
They also don't shout at their dogs when they decide to 'christen' freshly raked soil, their partners for not telling you they've already eaten, when you specifically told them that you would cook dinner ready for when they got home from work, or turn the air blue when there is a village power cut, causing your laptop to crash and undoing a lot of hard work and effort!
Exercise is a great stress reliever, and really does help you to overcome lifes minor (or major) irritations with poise and dignity!
This morning I spent another hour outside, but this time tidying a little of the back garden (I really do love in the week days off, they're so productive!!). My intention is to resume back garden activities when the rain has stopped - I've not got much more to do in the small corner I was tidying, so am keen to get back out there, get it finished, and be smug that it was a good job well done! Although admittedly the rain doesn't look like it's stopping any time soon - hey ho, that's British weather for you!
Tuesday 24 August 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Day Twenty Eight
When they were up they were up, and when they were down they were down. Oi vey! Right now I guess you can really say that all positivity has gone right out of the window.
Yesterday was a slip up, I'll admit that right now. Had 2 slices of toast for lunch, and didn't eat them consciously. If I had of done I would have stopped half way through the first slice and chucked the rest in the bin. Consequently I felt bloated and quite sluggish afterwards. Dinner was exactly the same as I didn't chew the food slowly enough, and then I had the cheek to have a couple of slices of toast for supper. Ok, so my daily food intake is in reality less than what was the norm, but still, it doesn't take away the fact that I over filled my body unnecessarily.
The key to my self presumed failure yesterday I believe was actually not drinking enough water. Usually I'm sipping all day, but yesterday I only had one 750ml bottle. No where near enough! I'm used to having two or three of these! And on that note, I've just gone and grabbed my bottle and had a couple of sips.
On top of all this, I didn't fill in my success journey either - arrrgggghhhhhh what is going on with me!! I refuse to let myself self sabotage as I am doing so well!! I've lost almost half a stone already and it's only the 1st week! Breathing deeply, and getting a grip now.
When you're down, your brain really does start to come up with some crazy stuff. For example, I told myself that I had lost control over the house and haven't 'settled into country living as well as I hoped to'. More precisely, I'm not spending nearly enough time in the 'farmers wife' roll. You know, wearing my apron, baking, pottering in the garden, chasing the dog up the garden waving my rolling pin because he's stolen something freshly baked off the window sill whilst cooling. I have quite a romantic ideal of country life, and now I'm here, I don't find myself living it! It's not life how I imagined it to be, but that being said, It's up to me to live and take those actions which is in keeping with the life I want, and at the moment, simply I am not.
When a negative thought or emotion comes your way, you must grab your rolling pin and bash back a positive one. Sort of like the saying, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!
As I am here, I may as well deal with my own demons!
1. Yesterdays slip up. Ok, so bread intake was a little higher than normal, but that's ok. PM did say we were bound to have slip ups. The thing to do is to forgive ourselves, and move on. Well, ok. I have forgiven myself for yesterday, and am now more determined to keep on the right track. Just keep in mind that my first YouTube weigh in is in three weeks and I want it to be phenomenal! Besides which, I am feeling a huge difference in my eating habits, and portion sizes now. I don't need or want to eat so much, and I feel fuller and more satisfied a lot quicker. I have begun to actually enjoy food and think of it in a positive light. It has begun not to be in control of me, which frees my mind up to concentrate on other things - the void is a wonderful thing! We know what we did incorrectly yesterday, which is great because at least we really do know! Today, we just get back on the horse, and ride of into the sunset once more :D
2. Didn't drink enough yesterday? This is an easy peasy one! Yes ok so you didn't, just make sure you always have a bottle of water to hand again today and hey presto! problem solved :D
3. Didn't fill in the success journal - do it now then!...... Done!! Well that was easy. Oh and just remember you DID listen to the CD, so you haven't fallen off the wagon by any means!
4. The country life. So what do I really want from it? This isn't one for the blog, this is something I need to do on pen and paper, which I will do after I've finished blogging.
As you can see, the process is actually quite a simple one. Identify the negative, turn it into a positive and take the necessary action. Ok, so I didn't fill the journal in, BUT I listened to the CD, AND I can fill the journal in now (and I really honestly did! I put the laptop down, went upstairs and grabbed the journal, came back downstairs, filled it in, then carried on blogging). It really is that simple!!
Hey I'm feeling a lot better already :)
Yesterday was a slip up, I'll admit that right now. Had 2 slices of toast for lunch, and didn't eat them consciously. If I had of done I would have stopped half way through the first slice and chucked the rest in the bin. Consequently I felt bloated and quite sluggish afterwards. Dinner was exactly the same as I didn't chew the food slowly enough, and then I had the cheek to have a couple of slices of toast for supper. Ok, so my daily food intake is in reality less than what was the norm, but still, it doesn't take away the fact that I over filled my body unnecessarily.
The key to my self presumed failure yesterday I believe was actually not drinking enough water. Usually I'm sipping all day, but yesterday I only had one 750ml bottle. No where near enough! I'm used to having two or three of these! And on that note, I've just gone and grabbed my bottle and had a couple of sips.
On top of all this, I didn't fill in my success journey either - arrrgggghhhhhh what is going on with me!! I refuse to let myself self sabotage as I am doing so well!! I've lost almost half a stone already and it's only the 1st week! Breathing deeply, and getting a grip now.
When you're down, your brain really does start to come up with some crazy stuff. For example, I told myself that I had lost control over the house and haven't 'settled into country living as well as I hoped to'. More precisely, I'm not spending nearly enough time in the 'farmers wife' roll. You know, wearing my apron, baking, pottering in the garden, chasing the dog up the garden waving my rolling pin because he's stolen something freshly baked off the window sill whilst cooling. I have quite a romantic ideal of country life, and now I'm here, I don't find myself living it! It's not life how I imagined it to be, but that being said, It's up to me to live and take those actions which is in keeping with the life I want, and at the moment, simply I am not.
When a negative thought or emotion comes your way, you must grab your rolling pin and bash back a positive one. Sort of like the saying, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!
As I am here, I may as well deal with my own demons!
1. Yesterdays slip up. Ok, so bread intake was a little higher than normal, but that's ok. PM did say we were bound to have slip ups. The thing to do is to forgive ourselves, and move on. Well, ok. I have forgiven myself for yesterday, and am now more determined to keep on the right track. Just keep in mind that my first YouTube weigh in is in three weeks and I want it to be phenomenal! Besides which, I am feeling a huge difference in my eating habits, and portion sizes now. I don't need or want to eat so much, and I feel fuller and more satisfied a lot quicker. I have begun to actually enjoy food and think of it in a positive light. It has begun not to be in control of me, which frees my mind up to concentrate on other things - the void is a wonderful thing! We know what we did incorrectly yesterday, which is great because at least we really do know! Today, we just get back on the horse, and ride of into the sunset once more :D
2. Didn't drink enough yesterday? This is an easy peasy one! Yes ok so you didn't, just make sure you always have a bottle of water to hand again today and hey presto! problem solved :D
3. Didn't fill in the success journal - do it now then!...... Done!! Well that was easy. Oh and just remember you DID listen to the CD, so you haven't fallen off the wagon by any means!
4. The country life. So what do I really want from it? This isn't one for the blog, this is something I need to do on pen and paper, which I will do after I've finished blogging.
As you can see, the process is actually quite a simple one. Identify the negative, turn it into a positive and take the necessary action. Ok, so I didn't fill the journal in, BUT I listened to the CD, AND I can fill the journal in now (and I really honestly did! I put the laptop down, went upstairs and grabbed the journal, came back downstairs, filled it in, then carried on blogging). It really is that simple!!
Hey I'm feeling a lot better already :)
Sunday 22 August 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Day Twenty Six
Well blow me, another successful day! (this is starting to become a habit!).
Actually managed a video dairy yesterday morning, which is trying to upload onto YouTube as we speak. I have managed to upload a couple I have done previously (before I decided to do PM's programme) just as a bit of a taster of how I was coping with life before (or not as was the case). Did attempt the new one last night, but it came up with an error message and failed to upload (boo hoo), so fingers crossed this will work now (have just checked the progress, at least I'm seeing the 'preview' as it downloads, so signs (touch wood) are good!).
Also finally started exercising again, did usual toning stuff (arms / legs / abs), and then did a 10 minute walk / jog on the treadmill. Somewhere along the lines I managed to pull something in my upper thigh as it twinged on and off for most of the day. Well, you know what they say no pain......actually I'd rather leave it there, I'm not very good with pain!
Food wise, I tried to gauge where I was on the hunger scale. When I thought I was hungry I decided to have tuna & crackers, but only managed 1 cracker and a few teaspoonful of tuna before I started to feel quite full and bloated, so put the rest of it back in the fridge. I did go back to the tuna later on when I thought I was feeling hungry, and automatically stopped when I had had enough. Usually I can polish of a can in one sitting (including a number of crackers), so this does signal progress to me!
Evening meal wasn't eaten so consciously. Firstly I didn't gauge whether or not I was actually hungry, and secondly, I was feeling quite annoyed at something or other, so on reflection I ate more emotionally. Still, it was only spicy chicken & homemade chips done in the oven so really I'd hardly call it a 'slip up'. I didn't feel hungry, or eat anything throughout the rest of the evening (despite settling down to watch a film, and other half munching on Bombay mix (which he offered to me) and butter popcorn (which he also try to offer me!!). But suffice to say, I actually wasn't interested at all, I was more concerned about keep hydrated so sipped a couple of 750ml bottles of water.
Finally got around to doing the 'mirror exercise' yesterday. Oh dear, I knew I didn't like myself much, but it really brought home how much self loathing I actually do have for myself :(
There are three stages you have to go through. The first is shutting your eyes, imagining that you are someone who loves themselves, and then when you can hold onto and feel comfortable with that feeling, you open yours eyes and stare into them for two minutes. I thought my imagination was better than that, but could I think of a single person? It took me ages, and even then the person I chose I wasn't convinced, so ended up pretending the person was me. Needless to say, I'm not sure the exercise worked in the way it was supposed to.
Step two was closing your eyes, and remembering a compliment someone had paid you, and then you try to imagine seeing yourself through their eyes. I believe I skipped this step as i don't remember doing it!
Finally Step Three, in a nutshell you look at yourself in the mirror (without clothes, or in my case just my underwear), and basically have a good long look at yourself for about a minute or two. I did this last step, and got quite annoyed. Bottom line, I really did despise what I saw (strong word I know, but it was truly how I felt at the time). On the bright side I could start to see how I would look if some bits were 'shaved' off (I just need one of those sanders they use to shave down doors!). In the end I put my clothes back on a walked off in disgust.
And the moral of the story? Well, at least I have started to face up to my body which I have never done. With the hunger scale thing seemingly to be working so far, my next project is getting the Helly Love back (or just the Helly Like would be a great start!). So I guess this means more time in front of the mirror just 'looking' at myself. I'm sure with practice I'll get better, just need to give this whole 'friendly mirror exercise' thingy a chance.
So with the mirror exercise done, I am pleased to report that was able to finally tick everything off in the 90 day journal hurray!
Actually managed a video dairy yesterday morning, which is trying to upload onto YouTube as we speak. I have managed to upload a couple I have done previously (before I decided to do PM's programme) just as a bit of a taster of how I was coping with life before (or not as was the case). Did attempt the new one last night, but it came up with an error message and failed to upload (boo hoo), so fingers crossed this will work now (have just checked the progress, at least I'm seeing the 'preview' as it downloads, so signs (touch wood) are good!).
Also finally started exercising again, did usual toning stuff (arms / legs / abs), and then did a 10 minute walk / jog on the treadmill. Somewhere along the lines I managed to pull something in my upper thigh as it twinged on and off for most of the day. Well, you know what they say no pain......actually I'd rather leave it there, I'm not very good with pain!
Food wise, I tried to gauge where I was on the hunger scale. When I thought I was hungry I decided to have tuna & crackers, but only managed 1 cracker and a few teaspoonful of tuna before I started to feel quite full and bloated, so put the rest of it back in the fridge. I did go back to the tuna later on when I thought I was feeling hungry, and automatically stopped when I had had enough. Usually I can polish of a can in one sitting (including a number of crackers), so this does signal progress to me!
Evening meal wasn't eaten so consciously. Firstly I didn't gauge whether or not I was actually hungry, and secondly, I was feeling quite annoyed at something or other, so on reflection I ate more emotionally. Still, it was only spicy chicken & homemade chips done in the oven so really I'd hardly call it a 'slip up'. I didn't feel hungry, or eat anything throughout the rest of the evening (despite settling down to watch a film, and other half munching on Bombay mix (which he offered to me) and butter popcorn (which he also try to offer me!!). But suffice to say, I actually wasn't interested at all, I was more concerned about keep hydrated so sipped a couple of 750ml bottles of water.
Finally got around to doing the 'mirror exercise' yesterday. Oh dear, I knew I didn't like myself much, but it really brought home how much self loathing I actually do have for myself :(
There are three stages you have to go through. The first is shutting your eyes, imagining that you are someone who loves themselves, and then when you can hold onto and feel comfortable with that feeling, you open yours eyes and stare into them for two minutes. I thought my imagination was better than that, but could I think of a single person? It took me ages, and even then the person I chose I wasn't convinced, so ended up pretending the person was me. Needless to say, I'm not sure the exercise worked in the way it was supposed to.
Step two was closing your eyes, and remembering a compliment someone had paid you, and then you try to imagine seeing yourself through their eyes. I believe I skipped this step as i don't remember doing it!
Finally Step Three, in a nutshell you look at yourself in the mirror (without clothes, or in my case just my underwear), and basically have a good long look at yourself for about a minute or two. I did this last step, and got quite annoyed. Bottom line, I really did despise what I saw (strong word I know, but it was truly how I felt at the time). On the bright side I could start to see how I would look if some bits were 'shaved' off (I just need one of those sanders they use to shave down doors!). In the end I put my clothes back on a walked off in disgust.
And the moral of the story? Well, at least I have started to face up to my body which I have never done. With the hunger scale thing seemingly to be working so far, my next project is getting the Helly Love back (or just the Helly Like would be a great start!). So I guess this means more time in front of the mirror just 'looking' at myself. I'm sure with practice I'll get better, just need to give this whole 'friendly mirror exercise' thingy a chance.
So with the mirror exercise done, I am pleased to report that was able to finally tick everything off in the 90 day journal hurray!
Saturday 21 August 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Day Twenty Five
I think I'll begin this morning by saying that the scales have now been put behind the TV! Obsession wise, I was fine until I woke up this morning, then I had an argument in my head about should I shouldn't I, and eventually the 'ah go on just a peak' won. Not a happy bunny in that respect so have put the blasted thing out of sight and hopefully out of mind.
I should point out though that today is day four of PM's programme, and the scales this morning show that I have lost a total of 5lbs. Bugga me! What gets me is that I haven't been starving myself, when I've felt (or thought I felt) hungry I ate what I fancied and to top it all off, I haven't actually managed to get back to my exercise routine yet (which I will kick start again this morning).
The problem I am having at the moment is that I can't quite get my head around the fact that my current eating habits are showing so far the easiest weight loss results in my life! I'm not 'on a diet', and yet it appears I've lost 5lbs in 4 days. Very weird.
So what did I do yesterday? Well for starters, I kept a bottle of water with me at all times which I drank from regularly throughout the day. I made a conscious effort to ask myself 'where am I on the hunger scale', and when I thought I was in the 'hungry zone' I ate. I chewed each mouthful slowly, put knife and fork down in between bites, and stopped when I felt comfortably full - throwing out what I couldn't eat, and only feeling a tiny bit guilty about it!
I also listened to PM's CD (twice!) to try and reinforce these habits and keep on the wagon so to speak. Both times I will fully admit to actually drifting off, so I still have no idea what he's saying!
All in all, I am really pleased at how yesterday went, despite not getting around to doing the mirror thing which I will have a go at after I've done my exercises. At least way i can say I've started doing it and can tick it off the list!!
I should point out though that today is day four of PM's programme, and the scales this morning show that I have lost a total of 5lbs. Bugga me! What gets me is that I haven't been starving myself, when I've felt (or thought I felt) hungry I ate what I fancied and to top it all off, I haven't actually managed to get back to my exercise routine yet (which I will kick start again this morning).
The problem I am having at the moment is that I can't quite get my head around the fact that my current eating habits are showing so far the easiest weight loss results in my life! I'm not 'on a diet', and yet it appears I've lost 5lbs in 4 days. Very weird.
So what did I do yesterday? Well for starters, I kept a bottle of water with me at all times which I drank from regularly throughout the day. I made a conscious effort to ask myself 'where am I on the hunger scale', and when I thought I was in the 'hungry zone' I ate. I chewed each mouthful slowly, put knife and fork down in between bites, and stopped when I felt comfortably full - throwing out what I couldn't eat, and only feeling a tiny bit guilty about it!
I also listened to PM's CD (twice!) to try and reinforce these habits and keep on the wagon so to speak. Both times I will fully admit to actually drifting off, so I still have no idea what he's saying!
All in all, I am really pleased at how yesterday went, despite not getting around to doing the mirror thing which I will have a go at after I've done my exercises. At least way i can say I've started doing it and can tick it off the list!!
Friday 20 August 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Day Twenty Four
When I said I wasn't a slave to the scales any more, I lied! Oops! Maybe it was because I didn't listen to PM's CD yesterday, maybe my 'craving' to hop onto the scales is too great. Whatever you call it, this morning I could resist them no longer I had to just very quickly have a preview as to how I'm doing. After all, this morning I don't feel any different, and couldn't believe that what I had been doing over the past couple of days had made any difference what so ever.
So the results? Well I had to do a double take as the scales have shown me to be 3lbs lighter than when I started PM's programme! Great result, so maybe this thing does work after all!?
One thing is for sure, I know I have an unhealthy obsession with the scales, which must STOP. After all, I really enjoyed the mental freedom from thinking scales? PAH! don't need them every day, I'm fine as I am thank you very much!
I don't know what changed in my psychology this morning. But, what I do know is that PM has provided a couple of techniques in his book regarding cravings, and despite this being more directed at certain foods, I think it's about time I gave it a bash for the scales, hey it's a craving right!?
The other thing I am determined to crack today is no longer being part of the 'clean plate club'. Whether I can detect whether I am full whilst eating or not, I am determined to leave something at every meal, even if it's only a mouthful. Why? apparently it helps you to keep in control of your food, and not the other way around. I can see the theory behind this, but unfortunately I am still well and truly part of 'the club', and very aware that leaving things on the plate will be frowned upon.
Hey ho, for these occasions I must keep telling myself 'I'd rather be slim and in control, than a fat person with a clear plate'.
Priorities for tonight really have to be to listen to the CD, and try out the mirror test (which I haven't even looked at yet and basically involves lots of looking at yourself in the mirror (funny that!)trying to connect with the slimmer you, and produce feelings of love and well being (or something)).
Any how, it's on my list of things to tick off in the 90 day journal, so I really should give it a go.
Right, it's almost time I should be making a move, busy day at work calls so let's just get it over and done with and so I can get onto the fun stuff! (you know, ironing, housework, cooking the fellas tea, you know, the really fun stuff! tee hee).
So the results? Well I had to do a double take as the scales have shown me to be 3lbs lighter than when I started PM's programme! Great result, so maybe this thing does work after all!?
One thing is for sure, I know I have an unhealthy obsession with the scales, which must STOP. After all, I really enjoyed the mental freedom from thinking scales? PAH! don't need them every day, I'm fine as I am thank you very much!
I don't know what changed in my psychology this morning. But, what I do know is that PM has provided a couple of techniques in his book regarding cravings, and despite this being more directed at certain foods, I think it's about time I gave it a bash for the scales, hey it's a craving right!?
The other thing I am determined to crack today is no longer being part of the 'clean plate club'. Whether I can detect whether I am full whilst eating or not, I am determined to leave something at every meal, even if it's only a mouthful. Why? apparently it helps you to keep in control of your food, and not the other way around. I can see the theory behind this, but unfortunately I am still well and truly part of 'the club', and very aware that leaving things on the plate will be frowned upon.
Hey ho, for these occasions I must keep telling myself 'I'd rather be slim and in control, than a fat person with a clear plate'.
Priorities for tonight really have to be to listen to the CD, and try out the mirror test (which I haven't even looked at yet and basically involves lots of looking at yourself in the mirror (funny that!)trying to connect with the slimmer you, and produce feelings of love and well being (or something)).
Any how, it's on my list of things to tick off in the 90 day journal, so I really should give it a go.
Right, it's almost time I should be making a move, busy day at work calls so let's just get it over and done with and so I can get onto the fun stuff! (you know, ironing, housework, cooking the fellas tea, you know, the really fun stuff! tee hee).
Thursday 19 August 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Day Twenty Three
Yesterday I completed my first successful day of Paul McKenna's I can make you thin programme.
I was a little apprehensive as we had my other halfs family over for a BBQ, and I was adamant that this would not cause me to fall 'off the wagon'. Before deciding to commit to this programme, I had originally planned to not eat anything at all, as I have in the past over indulged when presented with lovely BBQ food!
However, according to the golden rules of this plan: 'when you're hungry EAT'. 'Eat what you like so long as you are hungry', 'when you're full, STOP eating' (I'm paraphrasing slightly here, but you get the gist). So with this at the forefront of my mind, I decided that I wanted to have some BBQ food, but I would chew slowly, and stop eating when satisfied.
Amazingly it more or less worked! Essentially I had a burger in a bun and a sausage in a roll. That's it. On the negative side, I could have easily stopped at just the burger, but felt as though I 'should' have the sausage as well so I ate it, it was nice, but I didn't get real enjoyment from doing so.
On the positive side, after eating the sausage in a roll, I didn't feel horrible & bloated, I just felt 'full', and when the chicken came out I didn't think twice about refusing. After the BBQ everyone had chocolate ice cream, everyone apart from me! I didn't fancy it, I was full enough! Instead I busied myself tidying the kitchen (ok not very social, but at least I didn't have to look at everyone eating icecream).
The other great thing is that I didn't feel for a single second that I was 'missing out' on anything, I ate what I felt I wanted and needed, and then simply stopped. That was quite a liberating experience!
What I found slightly difficult yesterday, and what I am trying to practice today, is actually gauging my hunger levels. This may sound odd, but I have spent my whole life either in starvation of completely bloated / over filled with food, so the real hunger signals my body tries to send me are a little feint right now! But that's ok, with practice I am sure I'll get better at this! But like PM has suggested, in these early stages if you don't know you are hungry, guess! If you have two mouthfuls and then find you are full, just stop.
So for now, I am going to follow this philosophy :)
Another thing worthy of note yesterday was that my other half asked whether I was 'on target' for the holiday. My response? I have no idea! This caused him a little concern as it gave him the impression that I had fallen off the wagon and had my head in the sand. But really nothing was further from the truth! Following PMs plan means I have to give the scales a wide berth for a while. By doing this I really have no idea how my actual weight loss is going (but please, it's only been 1 day give me a break!!).
Usually I measure my weight loss success by the scales alone. But with them out the picture how else do I do it? Simple answer is, I don't. I just crack on with life and in 30 days, then we'll see how successful I am.
For the first time in my life, I feel like these chains have been cut. I don't feel right now that I am a slave to the scales, and I feel so much happier and 'lighter' for it!
I was a little apprehensive as we had my other halfs family over for a BBQ, and I was adamant that this would not cause me to fall 'off the wagon'. Before deciding to commit to this programme, I had originally planned to not eat anything at all, as I have in the past over indulged when presented with lovely BBQ food!
However, according to the golden rules of this plan: 'when you're hungry EAT'. 'Eat what you like so long as you are hungry', 'when you're full, STOP eating' (I'm paraphrasing slightly here, but you get the gist). So with this at the forefront of my mind, I decided that I wanted to have some BBQ food, but I would chew slowly, and stop eating when satisfied.
Amazingly it more or less worked! Essentially I had a burger in a bun and a sausage in a roll. That's it. On the negative side, I could have easily stopped at just the burger, but felt as though I 'should' have the sausage as well so I ate it, it was nice, but I didn't get real enjoyment from doing so.
On the positive side, after eating the sausage in a roll, I didn't feel horrible & bloated, I just felt 'full', and when the chicken came out I didn't think twice about refusing. After the BBQ everyone had chocolate ice cream, everyone apart from me! I didn't fancy it, I was full enough! Instead I busied myself tidying the kitchen (ok not very social, but at least I didn't have to look at everyone eating icecream).
The other great thing is that I didn't feel for a single second that I was 'missing out' on anything, I ate what I felt I wanted and needed, and then simply stopped. That was quite a liberating experience!
What I found slightly difficult yesterday, and what I am trying to practice today, is actually gauging my hunger levels. This may sound odd, but I have spent my whole life either in starvation of completely bloated / over filled with food, so the real hunger signals my body tries to send me are a little feint right now! But that's ok, with practice I am sure I'll get better at this! But like PM has suggested, in these early stages if you don't know you are hungry, guess! If you have two mouthfuls and then find you are full, just stop.
So for now, I am going to follow this philosophy :)
Another thing worthy of note yesterday was that my other half asked whether I was 'on target' for the holiday. My response? I have no idea! This caused him a little concern as it gave him the impression that I had fallen off the wagon and had my head in the sand. But really nothing was further from the truth! Following PMs plan means I have to give the scales a wide berth for a while. By doing this I really have no idea how my actual weight loss is going (but please, it's only been 1 day give me a break!!).
Usually I measure my weight loss success by the scales alone. But with them out the picture how else do I do it? Simple answer is, I don't. I just crack on with life and in 30 days, then we'll see how successful I am.
For the first time in my life, I feel like these chains have been cut. I don't feel right now that I am a slave to the scales, and I feel so much happier and 'lighter' for it!
Wednesday 18 August 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Day Twenty Two
Last night I delved into the world that is Paul Mckenna 'I Can Make You Thin', and started by watching the half an hour DVD that came free with the book.
As with most people, I have seen him on the television doing his hypnosis stuff, and yes it was mildly amusing for a Saturday night, but it didn't have that 'wow' factor for me, so you can understand my slight scepticism prior to pressing the play button.
And the conclusion? In all honesty it was the funniest half an hour of my life! Funny, but more importantly he actually succeeded in making that all important connection with me. A connection that now makes me very eager to proceed through the 90 day programme whole heartidly! (which is odd, because I'm not usually this easy!)
The DVD starts with him on stage, in front of a small(ish) audience, most of whom are over weight. He goes through a few basic principles of the plan, asking leading questions i.e put your hand up if you've ever done / felt / thought etc. By the hand I was laughing my head off and raising my hand! (so glad it was only the dog & I in the room!!).
Now don't take the laughter the wrong way, it wasn't in jest, it was of relief! What he was saying made so much sense. It was so simple, so straight forward, and so logical! He reinforced his key points perfectly - 'what are you going to do when you're hungry' EAT!!! Yes I was shouting it out with the audience! What are you going to do when you're full - STOP!! even now I am chuckling to myself as I replay the DVD in my mind. :D
Towards the end he asked the audience to raise their hands if they weighed themselves everyday (oh for goodness sake, yes ok, my hand went up!). This was something that had to stop throughout this process. Put those scales away! Um, I beg your pardon? put them away? Er, ok you're the boss I guess.
What I experienced on the DVD wasn't your average Saturday night light entertainment 'hypnotist'. I saw a professional man who had the ability to whip up and motivate the audience (and me), and who not only talked sense, but more importantly made it clear that he could give you the tools, but ultimately the responsibility is yours to follow through with the plan.
With the DVD still in mind, I woke up this morning with a very large void in my brain. Why? well ok, so I can eat what I like, as long as I only eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. What I need to practice today is recognising when I'm actually hungry and not dehydrated and just think I'm hungry. If your eating habits are all out of sync, like mine, you may find this a very strange concept to grasp! Having being used to 'you must eat 3 or 6 times per day, and you must only eat or drink xyz' etc.
The other reason for the void is mainly to do with the scales. I'm 'not allowed' to weight myself now until I'm 30 days into the process. In one way it's odd, as I am so used to hopping on every day, or every other day just to 'check' how things are going. In another way, I do feel a very strange sense of freedom - no more hopping on the scales at any given moment! My what am I going to do with myself!! (Um, that'll be actually have a life then!).
As I said in my previous post, I will follow this 90 day plan faithfully and to the letter, including dumping the scales! (tee hee I feel like such a rebel). I'll include reviews on my progress when I do my usual weekly weight loss challenge review - and hey, you may actually start seeing YouTube videos appearing too!
As with most people, I have seen him on the television doing his hypnosis stuff, and yes it was mildly amusing for a Saturday night, but it didn't have that 'wow' factor for me, so you can understand my slight scepticism prior to pressing the play button.
And the conclusion? In all honesty it was the funniest half an hour of my life! Funny, but more importantly he actually succeeded in making that all important connection with me. A connection that now makes me very eager to proceed through the 90 day programme whole heartidly! (which is odd, because I'm not usually this easy!)
The DVD starts with him on stage, in front of a small(ish) audience, most of whom are over weight. He goes through a few basic principles of the plan, asking leading questions i.e put your hand up if you've ever done / felt / thought etc. By the hand I was laughing my head off and raising my hand! (so glad it was only the dog & I in the room!!).
Now don't take the laughter the wrong way, it wasn't in jest, it was of relief! What he was saying made so much sense. It was so simple, so straight forward, and so logical! He reinforced his key points perfectly - 'what are you going to do when you're hungry' EAT!!! Yes I was shouting it out with the audience! What are you going to do when you're full - STOP!! even now I am chuckling to myself as I replay the DVD in my mind. :D
Towards the end he asked the audience to raise their hands if they weighed themselves everyday (oh for goodness sake, yes ok, my hand went up!). This was something that had to stop throughout this process. Put those scales away! Um, I beg your pardon? put them away? Er, ok you're the boss I guess.
What I experienced on the DVD wasn't your average Saturday night light entertainment 'hypnotist'. I saw a professional man who had the ability to whip up and motivate the audience (and me), and who not only talked sense, but more importantly made it clear that he could give you the tools, but ultimately the responsibility is yours to follow through with the plan.
With the DVD still in mind, I woke up this morning with a very large void in my brain. Why? well ok, so I can eat what I like, as long as I only eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. What I need to practice today is recognising when I'm actually hungry and not dehydrated and just think I'm hungry. If your eating habits are all out of sync, like mine, you may find this a very strange concept to grasp! Having being used to 'you must eat 3 or 6 times per day, and you must only eat or drink xyz' etc.
The other reason for the void is mainly to do with the scales. I'm 'not allowed' to weight myself now until I'm 30 days into the process. In one way it's odd, as I am so used to hopping on every day, or every other day just to 'check' how things are going. In another way, I do feel a very strange sense of freedom - no more hopping on the scales at any given moment! My what am I going to do with myself!! (Um, that'll be actually have a life then!).
As I said in my previous post, I will follow this 90 day plan faithfully and to the letter, including dumping the scales! (tee hee I feel like such a rebel). I'll include reviews on my progress when I do my usual weekly weight loss challenge review - and hey, you may actually start seeing YouTube videos appearing too!
Tuesday 17 August 2010
Paul McKenna - I Can Make You Thin
So there I was Amazon window shopping (something I haven't done in months!) and browsing through my recommendations, I spotted the Paul McKenna Series of self help books.
Now, I have seen these books before, but never really been interested in buying them. Why? I really have no idea! On this occasion though, something was triggered in my brain and I felt compelled to do a little research. I will point out at this juncture that I am at the moment trying to read everything I can get my hands on regarding weight loss / coaching / self help so this seemed right my street.
After reading through numerous reviews, I eventually decided to buy 'Change Your Life in 7 Days', 'I Can Make You Thin' and '90 Day Success Journal', the latter of which I didn't realise also included in the 'I Can Make You Thin' book! hey ho, live and learn!
Day One will be as of tomorrow, so I'll include my review of this programme in my normal weekly weight loss challenge review and we'll see how it goes.
Well, I'll keep this short and sweet tonight - having a dog resting on both your laptop and wrist whilst typing does tend to dampen down the creativity!
Now, I have seen these books before, but never really been interested in buying them. Why? I really have no idea! On this occasion though, something was triggered in my brain and I felt compelled to do a little research. I will point out at this juncture that I am at the moment trying to read everything I can get my hands on regarding weight loss / coaching / self help so this seemed right my street.
After reading through numerous reviews, I eventually decided to buy 'Change Your Life in 7 Days', 'I Can Make You Thin' and '90 Day Success Journal', the latter of which I didn't realise also included in the 'I Can Make You Thin' book! hey ho, live and learn!
Day One will be as of tomorrow, so I'll include my review of this programme in my normal weekly weight loss challenge review and we'll see how it goes.
Well, I'll keep this short and sweet tonight - having a dog resting on both your laptop and wrist whilst typing does tend to dampen down the creativity!
Monday 16 August 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Week Three
Last week was a major set back. Illness, no exercise, and eating habits going back to almost what they were.
Cruise is just over two months away and I am scared senseless. If I had started on January 1st to eat and exercise sensibly (as was the intention), I would have reached my goal weight by now. Instead, I am right back to where I started from, with the possibility of a dream not quite turning out how I would love it to be.
And who is to blame? Only myself.
So what's the plan this week then. Well, for starters I am going to make real efforts to stick to slimfast plan for breakfast and lunch, and have a weight watchers meal for dinner, combining at least 2 litres of water and as much exercise as I can stand.
The crazy thing is, working out the figures, if I lost 2lbs per day I'd still reach my goal weight well in time. So technically it's still possible.
I say technically, because to lose that amount of weight in such a short space of time isn't healthy. I'm not going to kid anyone here, it's not.
BUT, I've personally come to breaking point with my weight. I am so sick and tired of it just being there I just want rid of it once and for all.
Mood this morning - Frustrated! Yet strangley hopeful, determined, and if I'm honest a little headchey. Now I know that isn't technically a mood, I'm just throwing it out there.
Ok, back to being sensible, this week I wont blog every single day. Instead I'll do a weekly weigh in / weekly review blog instead for the time being, as I really feel I need to concentrate on my actions outside of this computer!
Cruise is just over two months away and I am scared senseless. If I had started on January 1st to eat and exercise sensibly (as was the intention), I would have reached my goal weight by now. Instead, I am right back to where I started from, with the possibility of a dream not quite turning out how I would love it to be.
And who is to blame? Only myself.
So what's the plan this week then. Well, for starters I am going to make real efforts to stick to slimfast plan for breakfast and lunch, and have a weight watchers meal for dinner, combining at least 2 litres of water and as much exercise as I can stand.
The crazy thing is, working out the figures, if I lost 2lbs per day I'd still reach my goal weight well in time. So technically it's still possible.
I say technically, because to lose that amount of weight in such a short space of time isn't healthy. I'm not going to kid anyone here, it's not.
BUT, I've personally come to breaking point with my weight. I am so sick and tired of it just being there I just want rid of it once and for all.
Mood this morning - Frustrated! Yet strangley hopeful, determined, and if I'm honest a little headchey. Now I know that isn't technically a mood, I'm just throwing it out there.
Ok, back to being sensible, this week I wont blog every single day. Instead I'll do a weekly weigh in / weekly review blog instead for the time being, as I really feel I need to concentrate on my actions outside of this computer!
Thursday 12 August 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Day Sixteen
Ok so bright side, I haven't obsessed over the scales yet and my eating habits are starting to evolve into something a little more sensible. Not perfect, but I'm getting there.
I'm fully aware that exercise has lapsed over the past couple of days, however, and I'm not really sure how much of an excuse this is, but I've not been feeling 100% health wise, I think I have a summer cold or something. Anyway, the combination of headaches, sore throats, nausea, dizzy spells, and the occasional all over shivers and lack of a proper nights sleep are quite enough for me to call a stop to my workout and rest.
I did some work in our front garden yesterday. Basically before we moved it was all covered in shingle, and I am trying to removed the shingle, and the matting they placed underneath it, and break up the soil so it looks like soil and not solid concrete, which is not an easy job when you are doing it on your own.
Anyway, several wheel barrels full of shingle later, I had to stop as I was literally feeling like I was going to pass out. Now, I know I'm not fit by any stretch of the imagination, but I am not that unfit! I've shovelled that shingle plenty times before, and yes got a bit hot and sweaty, but other than that I was fine. But yesterday, was completely different.
This morning, same story again, bad nights sleep, have woken up all bunged up and headachey and as I have said, some completely 100%. So as you have guessed it, no exercise this morning.
That being said, I am absolutely desperate to get back on the tread mill and do something, so I have made my mind up that tonight after work, I will do some treadmill stuff, even if it is just a much slower walking pace than I usually do.
I'm fully aware that exercise has lapsed over the past couple of days, however, and I'm not really sure how much of an excuse this is, but I've not been feeling 100% health wise, I think I have a summer cold or something. Anyway, the combination of headaches, sore throats, nausea, dizzy spells, and the occasional all over shivers and lack of a proper nights sleep are quite enough for me to call a stop to my workout and rest.
I did some work in our front garden yesterday. Basically before we moved it was all covered in shingle, and I am trying to removed the shingle, and the matting they placed underneath it, and break up the soil so it looks like soil and not solid concrete, which is not an easy job when you are doing it on your own.
Anyway, several wheel barrels full of shingle later, I had to stop as I was literally feeling like I was going to pass out. Now, I know I'm not fit by any stretch of the imagination, but I am not that unfit! I've shovelled that shingle plenty times before, and yes got a bit hot and sweaty, but other than that I was fine. But yesterday, was completely different.
This morning, same story again, bad nights sleep, have woken up all bunged up and headachey and as I have said, some completely 100%. So as you have guessed it, no exercise this morning.
That being said, I am absolutely desperate to get back on the tread mill and do something, so I have made my mind up that tonight after work, I will do some treadmill stuff, even if it is just a much slower walking pace than I usually do.
Monday 9 August 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Day Fourteen
Official weigh in this morning - this week I have lost the grand total of 1lb. Naturally I don't actually mean the word grand, pathetic might be more appropriate. And the reason? well I suspect it may have something to do with three days of stupid indulgence. Never mind, onwards and upwards!
After I had gotten over the shock of this mornings failings, I sat down and had a little think about things.
I am very proud of myself for managing to get up at 6am almost every morning and exercise. As I have said before, emotionally, I really do feel the benefits of a regular workout, so this is something I will take forward with me into this new up and coming week.
Diet / food wise - not so proud. Hand on heart, my eating habits have a changed very slightly, but no where near to the level as I want it to be. This has got to be one of my main focuses this week.
To help myself out in this area, I have decided to do a combination of slimfast (shakes & bars) for breakfast & lunch, and a weight watchers meal (soup or microwave meal) for dinner. I need to learn portion sizes, and I believe that sticking to this plan will help re-educate my brain as to what portion sizes are acceptable to a person of a size I am striving to be.
In my last post, I talked about behaving like the person you want to be now, and not wait until you have experiences your desired weight loss. Thinking this through, the logical next step in my progression is to do precisely that. To stop acting and thinking as a fat person, and more like a slim and healthy one.
This is where my weight management coaching skills really do come in handy! This week, as well as keeping up with exercising, and altering my eating habits, I am also going to work on looking, feeling, and behaving like the desired image I have of myself in my head.
Today I made a good first couple of steps. Carefully chose an outfit for work, instead of picking up the first things that came to hand, and even took the time to put a small amount of make up on, and tidied my hair (instead of just tying it up in a bun just to get it out of the way).
Now this all may seem like very basic stuff, but but taking a little extra time on myself like this is very symbolic for me. It sends the signals not only to myself, but to others, that I am worth it. I take care of myself, I respect myself, and I care about my health and appearance.
I discovered that by taking that extra time on myself this morning, meant I was indeed more confident throughout the day. I walked tall with my head held high! It's amazing what a little bit of foundation, eye liner and some lip gloss can do for a girls ego! :)
After I had gotten over the shock of this mornings failings, I sat down and had a little think about things.
I am very proud of myself for managing to get up at 6am almost every morning and exercise. As I have said before, emotionally, I really do feel the benefits of a regular workout, so this is something I will take forward with me into this new up and coming week.
Diet / food wise - not so proud. Hand on heart, my eating habits have a changed very slightly, but no where near to the level as I want it to be. This has got to be one of my main focuses this week.
To help myself out in this area, I have decided to do a combination of slimfast (shakes & bars) for breakfast & lunch, and a weight watchers meal (soup or microwave meal) for dinner. I need to learn portion sizes, and I believe that sticking to this plan will help re-educate my brain as to what portion sizes are acceptable to a person of a size I am striving to be.
In my last post, I talked about behaving like the person you want to be now, and not wait until you have experiences your desired weight loss. Thinking this through, the logical next step in my progression is to do precisely that. To stop acting and thinking as a fat person, and more like a slim and healthy one.
This is where my weight management coaching skills really do come in handy! This week, as well as keeping up with exercising, and altering my eating habits, I am also going to work on looking, feeling, and behaving like the desired image I have of myself in my head.
Today I made a good first couple of steps. Carefully chose an outfit for work, instead of picking up the first things that came to hand, and even took the time to put a small amount of make up on, and tidied my hair (instead of just tying it up in a bun just to get it out of the way).
Now this all may seem like very basic stuff, but but taking a little extra time on myself like this is very symbolic for me. It sends the signals not only to myself, but to others, that I am worth it. I take care of myself, I respect myself, and I care about my health and appearance.
I discovered that by taking that extra time on myself this morning, meant I was indeed more confident throughout the day. I walked tall with my head held high! It's amazing what a little bit of foundation, eye liner and some lip gloss can do for a girls ego! :)
Saturday 7 August 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Day Thirteen
Two days to go until weigh in, and have to say I am a little nervous. From this mornings results I doubt whether I will reach the 7lb goal, however, if I am sensible, there is no reason why I couldn't reach 6lbs - to be frank it fantastic anyway!
This week overall I have been quite proud of myself. I have continued to wake up at 6am, and all but 1 morning I have completed both a toning and an aerobic workout - although saying that, I've done toning exercises only so far this morning so after I have finished this I really have to get on that treadmill.
Despite changing my morning routine to include exercise, it is difficult to see at the moment what physical effect it has on my weight loss. I have begun to change my eating habits, and I know that this alone would have caused me to lose the amount of weight I have already done. Although I do realise that this is extremely early days, and with persistence, the results will become apparent.
That being said, I have noticed a rather obvious change in me emotionally. There are moments where I 'feel' less like a bowl of wobbly jelly, and more like a stick of celery (did you like the food reference there!). My moods have lightened and I'm generally feeling a slightly more happier and confident person.
If this is how I feel after almost a weeks worth of exercise and a little weight loss, imagine how I would feel when I do eventually reach my goal weight - imagine if I really did reach it by the cruise.....my goodness there really would be no stopping me!
So let's for a brief moment put my weight management coach head back on. Why wait to feel like that?
Being slim has more to do with state of mind than body fat. If you think and behave like a healthy person, your thoughts and actions will naturally follow suit, because this is what your mind is focusing on. If you think like a fat person, then a fat person you will be.
I've seen and experienced many times diet clubs / weight loss 'gurus' harping on about how it's important to visualise being at your goal weight.
Great! Well, I've seen myself at my goal weight for the past fifteen years or so, my image of what I'll look like, how I feel etc it's so crystal clear! And yet, here I am, still tackling this problem. Why?
Having a visual image, for me at least, is not enough. Mainly because deep down, perhaps I don't really believe I will ever attain that picture in my minds eye. Perhaps really I believe I am a resounding failure, doomed to spend my life 'trying' but not really trying to lose weight. Maybe I'm not meant to be happy and at my ideal weight......and that is a good demonstration of what I call my 'victim' voice. We all have one - it's that voice inside that says 'there is nothing we can do about it' (oh woe is me, why does this always happen to me, why can't I ever be happy / find the perfect partner / earn enough money etc etc). Pah!
Despite what miss victim voice thinks, in every situation you have the freedom of choice. Whether you believe it or not the only person in control of you is YOU. If you let your boss walk all over you - at the end of the day, you have chosen to put up with it - you don't like it, do something about it! Harsh? ah, but it's so true!!
So what choices does a girl like me have then?
I could have the state of mind that i am 'on a diet', put my life of hold until I've lost the weight, then magically everything is going to be alright. I will be slim, vibrant, and the happiest girl in the world. I will have an abundance of confidence and self belief, doors will be opened, and suddenly, the world has been filled with endless possibilities.
OR
I could believe, right now, that everything is going to be alright, of course I will be slim, but already I am vibrant and the happiest girl in the world. I already have an abundance of confidence and self belief. All doors are open and the world is just bursting with endless possibilities and opportunities.
And if you don't truly belive it yet? easy - blag it! It wont take long at all before you find yourself really believing, living and shaping your life the way that YOU want it to be.
Given the choice - which perspective would you rather take?
This week overall I have been quite proud of myself. I have continued to wake up at 6am, and all but 1 morning I have completed both a toning and an aerobic workout - although saying that, I've done toning exercises only so far this morning so after I have finished this I really have to get on that treadmill.
Despite changing my morning routine to include exercise, it is difficult to see at the moment what physical effect it has on my weight loss. I have begun to change my eating habits, and I know that this alone would have caused me to lose the amount of weight I have already done. Although I do realise that this is extremely early days, and with persistence, the results will become apparent.
That being said, I have noticed a rather obvious change in me emotionally. There are moments where I 'feel' less like a bowl of wobbly jelly, and more like a stick of celery (did you like the food reference there!). My moods have lightened and I'm generally feeling a slightly more happier and confident person.
If this is how I feel after almost a weeks worth of exercise and a little weight loss, imagine how I would feel when I do eventually reach my goal weight - imagine if I really did reach it by the cruise.....my goodness there really would be no stopping me!
So let's for a brief moment put my weight management coach head back on. Why wait to feel like that?
Being slim has more to do with state of mind than body fat. If you think and behave like a healthy person, your thoughts and actions will naturally follow suit, because this is what your mind is focusing on. If you think like a fat person, then a fat person you will be.
I've seen and experienced many times diet clubs / weight loss 'gurus' harping on about how it's important to visualise being at your goal weight.
Great! Well, I've seen myself at my goal weight for the past fifteen years or so, my image of what I'll look like, how I feel etc it's so crystal clear! And yet, here I am, still tackling this problem. Why?
Having a visual image, for me at least, is not enough. Mainly because deep down, perhaps I don't really believe I will ever attain that picture in my minds eye. Perhaps really I believe I am a resounding failure, doomed to spend my life 'trying' but not really trying to lose weight. Maybe I'm not meant to be happy and at my ideal weight......and that is a good demonstration of what I call my 'victim' voice. We all have one - it's that voice inside that says 'there is nothing we can do about it' (oh woe is me, why does this always happen to me, why can't I ever be happy / find the perfect partner / earn enough money etc etc). Pah!
Despite what miss victim voice thinks, in every situation you have the freedom of choice. Whether you believe it or not the only person in control of you is YOU. If you let your boss walk all over you - at the end of the day, you have chosen to put up with it - you don't like it, do something about it! Harsh? ah, but it's so true!!
So what choices does a girl like me have then?
I could have the state of mind that i am 'on a diet', put my life of hold until I've lost the weight, then magically everything is going to be alright. I will be slim, vibrant, and the happiest girl in the world. I will have an abundance of confidence and self belief, doors will be opened, and suddenly, the world has been filled with endless possibilities.
OR
I could believe, right now, that everything is going to be alright, of course I will be slim, but already I am vibrant and the happiest girl in the world. I already have an abundance of confidence and self belief. All doors are open and the world is just bursting with endless possibilities and opportunities.
And if you don't truly belive it yet? easy - blag it! It wont take long at all before you find yourself really believing, living and shaping your life the way that YOU want it to be.
Given the choice - which perspective would you rather take?
Friday 6 August 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Day Twelve
Wow! what a difference a day makes! As mentioned yesterday, I completed my 'mood form' (not it's official name, it's a work in progress!), and I have to say, I did find that the dark cloud lifted slightly.
As the day progressed, I ate sensibly, eating treated myself to a couple of cups of coffee (this happens once maybe twice a year), and went to bed in a timely fashion.
Consequently I woke up this morning feeling refreshed, motivated and as determined as ever! Hurrah!!
You see, this is the effect that a weight management coach can have!
As seems to be the habit I had another 'unofficial' weigh in this morning, (I really must put those scales away until Monday), it would appear that another lb of flesh has somehow disintegrated from my body somewhere. Which makes so far this week a weight loss of 3lbs, and 5lbs since I first started twelve days ago. I think that is what you call slow but steady progress :)
Not only that, but I managed to wake up before the alarm, get my toning workout done with a couple of extra moves and incorporate a small amount of jogging into my treadmill exercise.
Very happy bunny - it just goes to show that life is really all about perspective. Yesterday glass was half glass; what do you mean I've 'only' lost 2lbs so far! Today my glass is positively over flowing!
Word of caution. I do realise that today is Friday, and that ahead of me are now three days where I could potentially undo all this hard work. Main aim of the game now is to keep this momentum and focus up until Monday.
One thing that is in the forefront of my mind, is that my other half has a busy weekend ahead of him, which consequently means I'll be spending quite a bit of the next two days on my own. As an emotional eater, it is usually at this time I take the opportunity to indulge in a little comfort eating, call it loneliness, boredum, or simply because I can be 'naughty' and nobody will know (except for the scales!).
So how do I get around this little obstacal? Well the logical thing would be to plan ahead what I will be doing over the next couple of days as a good distraction. As I do literally have about a millions things I could be doing, ranging from working on my own business, the garden, housework, baking, or enjoying other hobbies I enjoy such as singing, tapestry, watercolour, reading, taking the dog out for an explore etc - I really need to sit down and have a serious think about what I fancy doing this weekend.
As the day progressed, I ate sensibly, eating treated myself to a couple of cups of coffee (this happens once maybe twice a year), and went to bed in a timely fashion.
Consequently I woke up this morning feeling refreshed, motivated and as determined as ever! Hurrah!!
You see, this is the effect that a weight management coach can have!
As seems to be the habit I had another 'unofficial' weigh in this morning, (I really must put those scales away until Monday), it would appear that another lb of flesh has somehow disintegrated from my body somewhere. Which makes so far this week a weight loss of 3lbs, and 5lbs since I first started twelve days ago. I think that is what you call slow but steady progress :)
Not only that, but I managed to wake up before the alarm, get my toning workout done with a couple of extra moves and incorporate a small amount of jogging into my treadmill exercise.
Very happy bunny - it just goes to show that life is really all about perspective. Yesterday glass was half glass; what do you mean I've 'only' lost 2lbs so far! Today my glass is positively over flowing!
Word of caution. I do realise that today is Friday, and that ahead of me are now three days where I could potentially undo all this hard work. Main aim of the game now is to keep this momentum and focus up until Monday.
One thing that is in the forefront of my mind, is that my other half has a busy weekend ahead of him, which consequently means I'll be spending quite a bit of the next two days on my own. As an emotional eater, it is usually at this time I take the opportunity to indulge in a little comfort eating, call it loneliness, boredum, or simply because I can be 'naughty' and nobody will know (except for the scales!).
So how do I get around this little obstacal? Well the logical thing would be to plan ahead what I will be doing over the next couple of days as a good distraction. As I do literally have about a millions things I could be doing, ranging from working on my own business, the garden, housework, baking, or enjoying other hobbies I enjoy such as singing, tapestry, watercolour, reading, taking the dog out for an explore etc - I really need to sit down and have a serious think about what I fancy doing this weekend.
Thursday 5 August 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Day Eleven
Today I am feeling totally unmotivated. It started off by waking up at 6am, seeing that the alarm didn't go off and thinking 'ahh perhaps I forgot, cool I'll have a lay in' only for the alarm to go off two minutes later! bugga.
Ah well, so I got up, and before I started exercising I got onto the scales to see how I'm doing. Major mistake!
The scales tell me that I have in the past three days lost 2lbs. Instead of celebrating, I am feeling quite upset, disappointed, angry and unmotivated because what I wanted to see was three, not two! I know, what a half glass empty attitude.
So now I have unnecessarily put myself in this negative state, I began my toning workout - no problems there. However, when it came to the treadmill, I did two minutes, and just stopped. I really wasn't in the mood for it, so I recorded my YouTube video diary instead.
It's amazing how one single thing can have the domino effect. If I hadn't of got onto the scales, I probably wouldn't be feeling like a failure and be in this negative state etc. But hang on a minute, I've lost 2lbs in three days, surely that should be something to be pleased about for heavens sake!?
Part of being a Weight Management Coach is not only being able to be resourceful, but being fully prepared for any situation that could detract from the end goal.
Now I know from past experience that if I allow this 'mood' to continue for too long today, then I am likely to psychologically give up on myself, and resort back to old eating habits. That's what emotional eaters do, they give up, then console their lack of success with food - and lots of it!
Luckily I have devised a small form for just these occasions. Essentially it is designed to identify not only the mood, but the underlying problem that really caused it, and then try and workout not only how to get out of that state of mind, but to assist in recognising the mood in the future and either get out of it quicker, or more preferably, to avoid it altogether by nipping it in the bud.
Of course, it hasn't been physically tried and tested, so this morning before I do anything else, it would be a good idea to see if it actually works!
Ah well, so I got up, and before I started exercising I got onto the scales to see how I'm doing. Major mistake!
The scales tell me that I have in the past three days lost 2lbs. Instead of celebrating, I am feeling quite upset, disappointed, angry and unmotivated because what I wanted to see was three, not two! I know, what a half glass empty attitude.
So now I have unnecessarily put myself in this negative state, I began my toning workout - no problems there. However, when it came to the treadmill, I did two minutes, and just stopped. I really wasn't in the mood for it, so I recorded my YouTube video diary instead.
It's amazing how one single thing can have the domino effect. If I hadn't of got onto the scales, I probably wouldn't be feeling like a failure and be in this negative state etc. But hang on a minute, I've lost 2lbs in three days, surely that should be something to be pleased about for heavens sake!?
Part of being a Weight Management Coach is not only being able to be resourceful, but being fully prepared for any situation that could detract from the end goal.
Now I know from past experience that if I allow this 'mood' to continue for too long today, then I am likely to psychologically give up on myself, and resort back to old eating habits. That's what emotional eaters do, they give up, then console their lack of success with food - and lots of it!
Luckily I have devised a small form for just these occasions. Essentially it is designed to identify not only the mood, but the underlying problem that really caused it, and then try and workout not only how to get out of that state of mind, but to assist in recognising the mood in the future and either get out of it quicker, or more preferably, to avoid it altogether by nipping it in the bud.
Of course, it hasn't been physically tried and tested, so this morning before I do anything else, it would be a good idea to see if it actually works!
Wednesday 4 August 2010
Weight Loss Challenge - Day Ten
I still can't believe I am ten days in and still going strong! Just have to keep up the focus and this momentum and fingers crossed I'll be seeing good results by Monday.
It was a bit of an odd (and long!) day yesterday which is why I have 'skipped' a day as far as the blog is concerned.
However, that being said, I am please to report that not only did I do my toning exercises, I also did 30 minutes walking on the treadmill and a further 15 minutes using the strider.
Food wise, well I ate only very slightly more than was intended, and instead of having soup as planned for dinner, I ended up having a cheese & pepperoni sandwich with a can of Sprite. I know, before you all start bashing me over the head, I know that was completely the wrong thing to have. The real problem was that I developed a negative state last night, and food is the comfort for me. Whilst I was eating dinner I was thinking I shouldn't be having this, and worse still afterwards my insides felt terrible. I no longer had the light and floaty feelings I had throughout the course of the day - so much for not eating bread anymore! I will get there, this is just going to take a bit more time to adjust than anticipated.
So what should I have done last night? Well, instead of reaching for the fridge (when I could have actually skipped dinner as I wasn't hungry at all!), I should have reached for a pen and paper. As I know I am an emotional eater, I have developed a sheet for me to fill in for whenever I find myself in a negative state. Essentially I write down what the mood is, what the situation was that triggered it, what the real cause is etc. The point is to identify the 'mood', and try to reverse it with good old fashioned logical thinking. The theory being, by reasoning myself out of a negative state will help prevent me from going into the kitchen every time things don't entirely go my way. Would have been great yesterday, if only I had the form to hand!!
It was a bit of an odd (and long!) day yesterday which is why I have 'skipped' a day as far as the blog is concerned.
However, that being said, I am please to report that not only did I do my toning exercises, I also did 30 minutes walking on the treadmill and a further 15 minutes using the strider.
Food wise, well I ate only very slightly more than was intended, and instead of having soup as planned for dinner, I ended up having a cheese & pepperoni sandwich with a can of Sprite. I know, before you all start bashing me over the head, I know that was completely the wrong thing to have. The real problem was that I developed a negative state last night, and food is the comfort for me. Whilst I was eating dinner I was thinking I shouldn't be having this, and worse still afterwards my insides felt terrible. I no longer had the light and floaty feelings I had throughout the course of the day - so much for not eating bread anymore! I will get there, this is just going to take a bit more time to adjust than anticipated.
So what should I have done last night? Well, instead of reaching for the fridge (when I could have actually skipped dinner as I wasn't hungry at all!), I should have reached for a pen and paper. As I know I am an emotional eater, I have developed a sheet for me to fill in for whenever I find myself in a negative state. Essentially I write down what the mood is, what the situation was that triggered it, what the real cause is etc. The point is to identify the 'mood', and try to reverse it with good old fashioned logical thinking. The theory being, by reasoning myself out of a negative state will help prevent me from going into the kitchen every time things don't entirely go my way. Would have been great yesterday, if only I had the form to hand!!
Monday 2 August 2010
Weight loss challenge - Day Eight
Scary fact number one. I worked out this morning that the cruise is only 3 months away!!! Arrrrgggghhhh! Scary fact number two, I am no where near to reaching my goal yet despite losing 2lbs last week. Hey, at least it was a loss, but as I said be, it's good, but not good enough!
The weekend was a total wash out, had a friend over to stay Saturday night (hence no blog yesterday) and yes we ate, yes we drank, and yes, I am back on the wagon this morning.
What is quite depressing now is that even if I managed to lose 1lb a day between now and the holiday then I would still be about two stone off my goal weight. Not only that, I could have already been my goal weight right now if I had of just focused and started readdressing my issues at the beginning of the year as I jolly well should have done.
Yes I am hard on myself, but I have good reason to be. When I start behaving with a little more discipline, maybe then I'll cut myself some slack.
This week, the focus has got to be following my own personal plan to the very letter. I know I'll be amazed at the results if I just follow through!
Right, that's enough beatings for one morning. Time to record the video diary, and start this week afresh and with renewed determination.
The weekend was a total wash out, had a friend over to stay Saturday night (hence no blog yesterday) and yes we ate, yes we drank, and yes, I am back on the wagon this morning.
What is quite depressing now is that even if I managed to lose 1lb a day between now and the holiday then I would still be about two stone off my goal weight. Not only that, I could have already been my goal weight right now if I had of just focused and started readdressing my issues at the beginning of the year as I jolly well should have done.
Yes I am hard on myself, but I have good reason to be. When I start behaving with a little more discipline, maybe then I'll cut myself some slack.
This week, the focus has got to be following my own personal plan to the very letter. I know I'll be amazed at the results if I just follow through!
Right, that's enough beatings for one morning. Time to record the video diary, and start this week afresh and with renewed determination.
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